Here's How To Get Texas Lottery Sales Humming Again
State officials say that Texas Lottery sales areslumping
because the games are "boring."
We couldn't agree more.
If you possess the kind of sharp, brilliant, mathematically sophisticated mind that says "I'm buyin' lottery tickets!!", then you will quickly grow bored with the same-old, same-old.
Houston Texans vs. Arizona Cardinals
TicketsSun., Nov. 19, 12:00pm
Rice Owls Football vs. North Texas
TicketsSat., Nov. 25, 12:00pm
Houston Texans vs. San Francisco 49ers
TicketsSun., Dec. 10, 12:00pm
Houston Texans vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
TicketsMon., Dec. 25, 3:30pm
Houston Open - Good Any One Day Grounds
TicketsSun., Apr. 1, 11:59pm
No one wants to see the lottery lose sales, except maybe the people in convenience-store lines waiting not-so-patiently while some loser spends ten minutes figuring out which games he wants to toss away his money on.
So we have our own ideas for new lottery games that are guaran-damn-teed to sell like hotcakes:
5. Just in time for the Red River Shootout, it's the joy of college football.
4. Here's an Ike-related one.
3. And here's another Ike-related one.
2. Celebrities sell, so this one should be gold.
1. There has to be something good to come out of this Texans' season.
-- Richard Connelly
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