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Hippie Costumes, the Awful Scourge of Halloween: Seven Telling Examples

Wear an unimaginably big turtleneck instead.
Wear an unimaginably big turtleneck instead.

Hippies. Proof that anything can become nostalgic.

We're not sure kids in the `60s dressed up like Roaring Twenties flappers -- although, judging from what we posted recently, it would be an improvement -- but people today apparently try to dress up like hippies.

Why, we're not sure. And, it must be said, the dedication to historical accuracy is sometimes lacking. We mean come on -- the guy in the iconic photo to the upper right, putting a flower in the gun barrel? According to the Washington Post, when the shot was taken "he was on his way to San Francisco, where he would come out of the closet, take the name Hibiscus and co-found the flamboyant, psychedelic, gay-themed drag troupe called the Cockettes." That's stone hippie.

As for the hippies you'll see this Halloween, here are seven telling, sad examples:

7. The hapless kid "Mom, why are you dressing me up like this?" "You're a hippie, Madison -- you know, rock music and...ummm...lots of drugs..." "Like St. Joseph's aspirin?" "Yessss. Exactly. They liked to take lots of St. Joseph's aspirin!" "Why?"

Hippie Costumes, the Awful Scourge of Halloween: Seven Telling Examples

6. Just flash a peace sign Browsing costume sites for these things reveals a core truth: According to the Halloween industry, anything becomes a "hippie costume" if the model just flashes a peace sign.

Hippie Costumes, the Awful Scourge of Halloween: Seven Telling Examples

5. Attention to (titty) detail Tan lines on a hippie?

From what we've heard, these drug-addled free-sex sluts went around naked all day listening to bongo music, stopping only occasionally to put on pink pajamas.

 

Hippie Costumes, the Awful Scourge of Halloween: Seven Telling Examples

4. Now you're not even trying According to the seller, this is a "`70's Hippie Costume." yeah: Just add the cheapest-looking peace-sign necklace and pendant ever, and you no longer look like you're headed to Disco Inferno in Queens but instead like you're hopping on Ken Kesey's Furthur.

Hippie Costumes, the Awful Scourge of Halloween: Seven Telling Examples

3. Toning & Trimming Who knew hippies were big on 7-Minute Abs and Brazilians?

2. The pimp hippie This doesn't look like something you'd see at a commune so much as it looks like something you'd see in a Vegas hippie-themed brothel.

Great for a kid, either way.

Hippie Costumes, the Awful Scourge of Halloween: Seven Telling Examples

1. Luckily, you can distract them from your historical inaccuracies A cheap wristband, a fuzzy vest -- and, we're sure, a peace sign being flashed just out of frame -- it's a hippie! Right?

Luckily for you, no one will be looking at your wristband. But they'll be examining very closely just how authentically flower-power that design is on your shirt.


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