As we all know, Houston annually makes a serious run at being named the country's fattest city, apparently the only running most Houstonians do.
And a while back a national website ranked the intelligence of various big cities around the country and found us to be sadly lacking in smarts.
Which puts us two-thirds of the way towards the Animal House mantra above that says "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son."
But salvation is here!!! We're not drunks!!
Men's Health, the magazine which keeps dissing us as tubbies, has come out with a new click-generating study, this time ranking the country's drunkest cities.
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"The magazine, which will publish the list of 100 major cities in i's March edition, drew upon such data as death rates from alcoholic liver disease, booze-fueled car crashes, frequency of binge-drinking in the past month, number of DUI arrests, and severity of DUI penalties," USA Today reports.
Drunkest city: Fresno. Texas cities in the top ten: Austin and San Antonio. Houston's ranking: A mere 47th out of 100 cities. We get a C-minus for our efforts.
Now, if you look at the list, you may laugh your ass off because the driest city of all, graded as A-plus, is.....Boston, Massachusetts.
We've been to Red Sox games and know people from Boston. Obviously the folks from Men's Health are familiar only with a very dry, very small subset of Bostonians.