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Houston Ranks Second in All-Important Commando Cilantro Index

Damn, guys, what's up with Houston only being the 39th manliest city in the land?

We're only one spot above Seattle, and we all know what kind of dudes hang out there. Not very manly dudes, that's who.

In all seriousness, this is easily one of the lamest surveys ever. Sure, we get it: Some company, which we won't bother naming and which actually isn't even that manly by its own standards, comes up with a random set of metrics and sends out a press release to all the papers in the winning cities, and then everyone and their mother reports on it. It's all a bunch of marketing bullsh... Huh. Wait a second. Actually, it's really not a bad idea.

We here at Hair Balls hereby declare Houston the second best city to buy cilantro while going commando. The rankings are based on a complicated set of metrics which we'd be happy to share at a later date.

Here are the complete rankings:

America's Best Cities to Buy Cilantro While Not Wearing Underwear

1. Topeka, Kansas 2. Houston, Texas 3. San Jose, California 4. Miami, Florida 5. Erie, Indiana 6. Little Rock, Arkansas 7. Seattle, Washington 8. Pawtucket, Rhode Island 9. Dallas, Texas 10. Phoenix, Arizona

Yeah, that's right. Houston once again beats Dallas. Huzzah!


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