Houston Texans Grieving Process 3.0: At Least We're Not This 49er Fan
It's been a couple weeks, but perhaps some of you are still smarting from the Texans' loss to the Ravens ending their two-game playoff run. As I expressed from the day after that game, there are lots of ways to cope with a loss, but to me the best way is taking some semblance of pleasure in the pain of others.
We call it schadenfreude, and yes, y'all should try it some time!
Like right now!
If you read this space or listen to my radio show (weekday mornings on 1560 The Game!), you know my view on tattoos -- I would never get one (too big a wuss about both needles and permanent ink), but if you want to get one, knock yourself out.
Last week, in fact, I interviewed Chris Brown, whose "Texans Super Bowl XLVI Champions" tattoo should have given us all enough schadenfreude to last through the 2013 football season. He now has ink on his arm that is factually incorrect. But his perspective on it was so grounded and folksy that I can't bring myself to take pleasure in his tattoo's lack of accuracy.
Tattoo schadenfreude is a special type of schadenfreude, and perhaps the quickest way to feeling far better about ourselves. So if not Brown, then who?
Well, I have an answer -- meet the ass of Craig Harless:
According to the Web site LarryBrownSports.com, here is the backstory:
Craig Harless, a former intern and current call screener for the Don Geronimo Show on KHTK in Sacramento, got the above tattoo on his bum in exchange for tickets to watch the 49ers lose to the Giants in the NFC Championship Game Sunday.
Harless made the mistake of letting Geronimo decide on the design. The show host opted for the Bill Walsh coaching tree.
Here's the awesome (evil) part: the "Bill Walsh" part of the tattoo starts on the lower back like a tramp stamp. The rest of the names (Steve Mariucci, Jon Gruden, Mike Holmgren, Dennis Green, George Seifert, Brian Billick, Mike Shanahan, and Andy Reid), are on the butt cheeks.
And since this abomination of a tatt happened in Northern California, I'm assuming that Harless is a Niners fan. So not only does he have the names of nine men on his ass, but his team LOST the NFC Title Game.
I haven't seen a shot of what Harless looks like, but I'm assuming that "getting laid" is way down on his list of capabilities and priorities, otherwise he has some serious explaining to do when his ass is inevitably viewed by a significant other. Also, the curious side of me wants to know why Andy Reid got "full name" recognition and everyone else only got surnames. I'm guessing it's a surface area issue.
So there you go, Texan fans. Yeah, your team got knocked out in Baltimore. If you're having trouble getting over it, just take solace in the comfort that you are not Craig Harless.
Not only are you glad you're not him, but he would probably kill to be you. After all, the Gary Kubiak coaching tree consists of considerably less permanent ink.
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m. weekdays, and watch the simulcast on Comcast 129 from 6 a.m. to 7:30 a.m. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.