Officer: License and insurance, please.
Driver: Yezzur, Ocifer.
Officer: You been drinking tonight?
Driver: Um, nozzur.
Officer: You sure about that? Your speech seems pretty slurred.
Driver: Naw, man, I wuz just, um, coming back from a meth lab.
Officer: Excuse me?
Driver: Oh, I mean, I'm not drunk. I'm just dwiving back from vizziting a prostitute.
Officer: A prostitute? Sir, you realize prostitution is a crime.
Driver: Izit? My bad. I meant a haveway house for iwegal immigrants.
Officer: Illegal immigrants? I assume you know that's illegal as well. You sure you haven't been drinking?
Driver: Okay, okay, actually, I'm driving my wife to the hozpital. She's pregnant.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Officer: Sir, you're the only one here.
Driver: A cock fight?
Officer: Step out of the car, please.
-- Keith Plocek