HouStoned Theatre Presents...
Officer: License and insurance, please.
Driver: Yezzur, Ocifer.
Officer: You been drinking tonight?
Driver: Um, nozzur.
Gridiron Glory: The Best of Pro Football HOF -- 10AM-3PM
TicketsWed., Mar. 29, 10:00am
Gridiron Glory: The Best of Pro Football HOF -- 3PM-8PM
TicketsWed., Mar. 29, 3:00pm
Gridiron Glory: The Best of Pro Football HOF -- 10AM-6PM
TicketsSun., Apr. 2, 10:00am
Rice Owls Men's Baseball vs. Louisiana Tech Bulldogs Men's Baseball
TicketsFri., Apr. 7, 6:30pm
Officer: You sure about that? Your speech seems pretty slurred.
Driver: Naw, man, I wuz just, um, coming back from a meth lab.
Officer: Excuse me?
Driver: Oh, I mean, I'm not drunk. I'm just dwiving back from vizziting a prostitute.
Officer: A prostitute? Sir, you realize prostitution is a crime.
Driver: Izit? My bad. I meant a haveway house for iwegal immigrants.
Officer: Illegal immigrants? I assume you know that's illegal as well. You sure you haven't been drinking?
Driver: Okay, okay, actually, I'm driving my wife to the hozpital. She's pregnant.
Officer: Sir, you're the only one here.
Driver: A cock fight?
Officer: Step out of the car, please.
-- Keith Plocek
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Houston, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.