I Wanna Be Your Dog (Or Cat): Last-Chance Specials
An open letter from some long-time Bureau of Animal Regulation and Care dogs to Mr. S. Claus, Esq. The dogs, lovingly photographed by Robyn Arouty, would like to remind everyone that the first six Hair Balls animals to be adopted come with a PetSmart giftcard.
We're writing a group letter because we all want the same thing: a home. And we've all been good this year, so we think we all deserve one.
There are many other things we could've asked for -- big rawhide bones, a mountain of delicious people-food, an extra butt to sniff. Those would all be great fun, but just for a little while, and then we'd all remember that we're stuck on death row.
Some of us were strays, some of us were surrendered by our owners, but all of us have been previously featured in this blog, and we don't have a lot of time left. Since you'll be visiting hundreds of thousands of homes this year, we're hoping you can keep your eyes peeled for the really good homes that could use a dog or cat (or two). And while we know you don't slide down Jewish or Muslim or Hindu chimneys, could you at least swing by and leave a business card or something on those doors? We really want to cover as wide an area as possible.
And listen, we're willing to pull our weight, too. We'll wash dishes and do laundry and clean gutters and schlep the squirts to soccer -- whatever it takes to be part of the family. We'll cuddle with kids and growl at bad guys, and we'll try not to stand on our hind legs and inhale that brisket you left on the counter, but there are no guarantees. (Especially with Lady -- keep your eyes out for her).
We know there are so many things people ask you for, right before Christmas. You and your Elves Labor Union (Local #144, North Pole) have probably already gone through millions of requests for Beatles Rock Band and iPhones and Kindles, and that's not even counting however many letters Tiger sent you asking for a new batch of big-bosomed Bennigan's hostesses. But how many letters like this do you get -- letters where the presents are doing the asking?
Look, you've gotta know perfect people for us. Maybe a young family wanting to give their kids a first pet; a single gal looking for a friend to jog around the park with; a bachelor looking for a dog to help him unrepentently hit on that gal; a senior who could
really use some company around a big lonely house. And maybe you can tell them this: We may not fit in Christmas stockings, and we may be inclined to lift a leg on the tree, and we might bark at strange fat men shimmying down a chimney, but, dang it, we're the best gifts around. We don't go out of style, and we're there at the door every day to greet you. We look up to you, and if you don't watch it, we might just lick your face off when we tell you how much we love you
This time of year, it gets cold outside, but we've got our fur to protect from that. What we can't protect ourselves from is the cold we feel inside. For that, we need your couch, or the foot of your bed, or a pallet on the floor. For that, we need your heart. You already have ours.
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