As you are almost certainly aware, Houston's biggest story of the week is about socialite/reality-TV personality Erica Rose's dog giving birth to three pups.
As Culturemap explains, the births were the miraculous result of a serendipitous meeting between Rose and fellow law school student Partick Yarborough: Rose had wanted to breed her lovely Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Shayna, for some time. And it just so happened that Yarborough had a King Charles himself, and the two decided to let Shayna stay at Yarborough's house while she spent two months in Los Angeles filming a reality show called You're Cut Off! Before anyone knew what was up, Shayna was pregnant. The rest is history.
Unfortunately, this remarkable story overshadowed the births of a few puppies belonging to a slightly less-known Houston socialite, Danielle Saxton. Saxton is the daughter of Internet impresario Daniel T. Saxton, who made a fortune building and selling a string of pro-ana websites. In 2007, she debuted on the CW's popular reality series, Be This Douchebag's Trophy Wife, and appeared as a contestant one year later on the Ion Network's smash hit I Have Breasts and a Vagina!
Danielle is seldom seen without her bison friche, Imelda Neiman-Marcos Saxton, by her servant's side. She told us she even tears up on the few occasions when her schedule demands she be ripped apart from her gal, such as two-month reality show shoots, vacations in Hawaii, and that one time she slummed it with that bearded hipster in Williamsburg who said he was in a deep-post-chillwave collective but turned out to just be a homeless squatter. We asked Danielle if she would share her thoughts about these adoptable critters at the Bureau of Animal Regulation and Care.
2 years old, stray
Danielle says: "Ohmygod -- is that a pitbull? Someone needs to call the cops. Where's Consuela? Consuela -- llame a la policia! Ohmygod, we're totally going to die."
3-month-old lab retriever
Danielle says: "So if no one adopts this dog, it's gonna be put down? But that's so sad! Why do sad things have to happen? Ohmygod, this one time in L.A., I wanted to go to my favorite Jamba Juice in Brentwood, and I got there like five minutes before it opened, so I totally had to wait in the Escalade, and I was so sad, and my tummy was like totally rumbling, and I was 'Ohmygod, I'm going to be so late to the shoot,' and I like almost totally started to cry when all of a sudden I noticed that I wasn't five minutes late, I just had my watch on upside-down."
2-year-old spayed pit mix, stray
Danielle says: "What's up with all these pitbulls? Isn't there, like, a place they can go? Whenever Imelda Neiman-Marcos acts up and leaves a little poopie by the pool, after Consuela cleans it up, she puts Imelda Neiman-Marcos in time-out in the guest house. Couldn't Houston build like a guest house for pitbulls? It totally wouldn't have to have a retractable roof or anything like ours, but you know, just something out of the way where they could stay? Consuela has like eight sisters; I'm sure they could watch them."
1.5-year-old cocker mix, stray
Danielle says: "Ooooh! I love cocker spaniels! But this one's not a pure-bred. So he wouldn't be worth as much money. Who's going to buy this one? I think we need to throw a gift in, otherwise no one's going to buy him, because he totally can't be used for breeding. I don't know what you could use him for. Maybe he could, like, be one of those dogs that reads to blind people or something."
2-year-old spayed pit. Owner surrendered because of a "new baby."
Danielle says: "Ohmygod, I totally understand, I wouldn't want one of these things around a baby. I don't think I want babies, though. But it depends. Like Chad? The hedge fund manager from Be This Douchebag's Trophy Wife? I'd totally have kids with him. But then I'd have to do, like, ten jillion hours of pilates to get back in shape. Babies make you so fat! That's why I think mothers of preemies are so lucky; it's so much easier for them to bounce back. I saw this show once on crack babies and they showed this baby who was like five months premature, and it was just soooo tiny and cute! And I was all, 'I bet that baby's mom didn't even gain ten pounds!"
1-year-old; owner surrendered because of "new baby."
Danielle says: "'Tabitha' is a fat girl's name. Eew."
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1-year-old; owner surrendered because he/she had "too many" cats.
Danielle says: "Ohmygod, did I tell you how much I love Austin?! I love it almost as much as Jamba Juice -- LOL! No, really, I go as much as I can. So it's funny that this cat's name is Austin. Wouldn't it be cool if he was orange? Ohmygod, I bet someone would adopt him so quick! Too bad, so sad. Sorry little guy, you're just gonna have to waity-wait-wait!"
Thanks as always to Robyn Arouty, one of the best graduates of the Kick Ass Academy of Photography. Remember, PetSmart gift cards are available.