Internet Satire: Germany Destroys Brazil 7-1
For 63 straight matches, Brazil's national soccer team had gone without a defeat on its home turf, going all the way back to 1975.
That's an impressive streak, nothing to be taken lightly.
So if you're going to see the streak end, at least do so in historic fashion, I suppose, and that's exactly what Brazil did on Tuesday afternoon. With a chance to secure a World Cup soccer final on its home turf and have as good a look at a championship as one could possibly have (a final AT HOME!), Brazil laid the biggest possible egg.
It was all innocent and manageable enough with Brazil trailing Germany 1-0 22 minutes into Tuesday's semifinal. But then came the onslaught.
Seven minutes later, Brazil found themselves down 5-0, victims of an historic four-goal barrage that put the game out of reach and sent the Brazilian crowd into tears of sadness. When it was all said and done, Germany cruised to an easy 7-1 win, the worst loss in Brazil's history and the most lopsided loss ever for a tournament host.
Germany will play the winner of today's Netherlands-Argentina semifinal for the title on Saturday.
Like any sea of human misery, the Internet did what it does so very well -- it piled on relentlessly!
Sure, there were the tweets, many of which came to my timeline as a result of my request (it's a perpetually open request, really) for pictures of home-crowd fans bawling their eyes out, sent under the hashtag #sadfancam:
— Altuve 4 MVP (@everdayadvisor) July 8, 2014
— Walter A (@weaguilar) July 8, 2014
— Timothy Bradley (@NotTheTimmyB) July 8, 2014
— Travis Atwood (@travis_atwood) July 8, 2014
Now, how can these pictures possibly be made any funnier than they already are unto themselves? Well, by having them all embedded into a Vine with LeBron listing them in the "not two...not three...not four..." montage:
Then there's WWE, which always seems to find a way to capitalize on topical events, whenever possible. Here, the Brazilian national team gets words of encouragement from recent newcomer Bo Dallas, whose gimmick is to condescendingly tell participants who've just lost (usually at his hands) to keep their chins up and "BO-LIEVE!"
And it's really only an official ass-kicking, of course, once Jim Ross's voice has been dubbed over every shred of the drubbing, every single highlight:
Of course, as good as that was, it has a long way to go to catch my favorite Jim Ross audio dub. Behold the violent highlights of the award-winning AMC series Breaking Bad!
Brazil, remember the name...Miroslav Klose. He is the one who knocks.
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