Jamie Dukes (Basically) Asks Lindsay Soto to Fondle Him on NFL Network TV
I'm not sure what the statute of limitations is to make references to Seinfeld and not feel somewhat outdated. My guess is we're past that point, but what the hell. Remember the episode where George is trying to get fired from the Yankees so that he can take a higher paying job with the Mets? He drags the World Series trophy from his bumper, he rubs strawberries on Babe Ruth's uniform.
Well, anytime I see someone doing something blatantly career limiting, I think of that episode. There has to be an underlying story to such stupid behavior.
So with that in mind, perhaps Jamie Dukes of the NFL Network has a much better offer under the table from another network. It's the only way to explain this delightfully awkward exchange between him and Lindsay Soto yesterday discussing Michael Vick's hand injury.
(NOTE: Be sure to ride this video until the very end. Trust me.)
Battle of the Piney Woods: SFA vs. SHSU
TicketsSat., Oct. 1, 3:00pm
University of Houston Cougars Football vs. Tulsa Golden Hurricane Football
TicketsSat., Oct. 15, 11:00am
Rice University Owls Football vs. UTSA Roadrunners Football
TicketsSat., Oct. 15, 6:00pm
Rice University Owls Football vs. Prairie View A&M University Football
TicketsSat., Oct. 22, 2:30pm
I'm not sure what exactly was going through Jamie Dukes's head. Have we all said something borderline bawdy in a joking fashion to an opposite sex co-worker before? Well, maybe not all of us have, but many of us have. But those moments are typically not captured on national television in response to a legitimate request for analysis in our respective area of expertise.
It's almost like Dukes forgot he was on television and was instead trying to make the three or four guys working cameras and turning knobs laugh out loud, like he was at happy hour at Chili's, not in a studio for the network owned by the National Football League.
A quick stroll through my favorite parts of the video:
0:04 -- Dukes pops the question without really finishing it off. "C'mon over here and just kinda..." Yep, just kinda....fondle my giblets.
0:06 -- Thus begins about 30 seconds of Soto simultaneously staring daggers through Dukes's face and mentally arriving at a punitive damages figure for sexual harassment on camera.
0:18 -- Soto mixes in a colloquial hand gesture and three words to act like she's interested in what Dukes is saying when in reality she's pondering painful castration on Dukes. Maybe with a hot pair of pliers or the "jaws of life."
Dukes manages to make it through the rest of the analysis seemingly all right, with a coherent explanation as to why Michael Vick may suffer from some pain and have difficulty taking snaps on Sunday, but clearly he has one thing on his mind -- Lindsay Soto's sweet, soft hands under his crotch...
0:52 -- Dukes: "You sure you don't wanna take a couple snaps, just so i can show ya how the ball...[smacks hands together]..."
0:55 -- Soto's brain: "That'll be another $500,000, please."
Dukes, that's human resources on line 1. They'd like to see you in their office.
Listen to Sean Pendergast on Yahoo! Sports Radio and 1560 The Game from noon to 3 p.m. weekdays, and follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.