Memorial High School Keeps It Classy, Plus, Lessons We Learned from the T-Shirt Fiasco

Edumacation, Football

Memorial Keeps It Classy
National furor over T-shirt: Way to go!

By Richard Connelly


Memorial High School

Memorial High, the west-side bastion of education for suburbanites, has riled up the women at the Web site Jezebel.

And with good reason.

Someone sent the site a T-shirt apparently produced for the school's annual game with Stratford: It features two horses (Memorial's teams are the Mustangs) having sex with a Spartan cheerleader. The shirt reads "Memorial Towers Over Stratford: F'n Spartans Up Since 1962."

The lithe blond woman pictured is orally servicing one horse while getting it doggie-style from the other. (It sounds so much classier when you describe it, as opposed to seeing it yourself.)

Spring Branch ISD spokesman Steven Brunsman was completely unaware of the shirt, or any controversy that might be attached to it, until we sent him the link from Jezebel.

Jezebel commenters, of course, were already weighing in.

Says one: Ah, the old meme of men fighting battles by raping the other side's women. Great. Glad to see that almost a century of women's rights has really changed the paradigm.

I guess those high-fivin' horsies think that double-jobbing a Stratford male of any kind would be icky or emmasculating in some way, so victory is depicted by sodomizing a cheerleader from the other team, someone who theoretically isn't even one of their real opponents.

Sportsmanship at its best. Go team.

PS - Where do I sign up for the letter-writing campaign?

Another: The best (worst) part is the two horses high-fiving each other. Two dudes who high-five each other mid-threesome might as well be fucking each other in the ass.

Or: Memorial High School...­memorial to what? Roman Polanski?

The issue was also discussed at Feminist Law Professors, but they're not nearly as snarky as Jezebel commenters.

The statement from the Spring Branch school district, by the way:

Spring Branch ISD has learned about a t-shirt with an inappropriate graphic image that surfaced in connection with a recent high school football game. This t-shirt was not approved, condoned or sanctioned by SBISD or Memorial High. Several t-shirts were confiscated at the game, and several students have been questioned so far about them. This type of behavior is not acceptable. SBISD and Memorial High officials continue to investigate the situation. Any individuals found to be responsible will be dealt with appropriately.

Edumacation, Football

What We Learned
Lessons from the Memorial Mess

By Richard Connelly

We mentioned above how the ­Memorial-Stratford high school football rivalry had gained national attention because of an obscene T-shirt that got shown on some women's Web sites like Jezebel.

Luckily, current and former students from both schools responded in a way that did Texas proud, if by "proud" you mean "living up to every brain-dead caricature the nation has about Texas."

Five things we learned from the comments section, from e-mails and from conversations about the shirt:

1. The shirt included some witty wordplay. "Memorial Towers Over Stratford," it said. We subsequently discovered that two guys high-fiving each other, while one has oral sex with a woman and the other bangs her from behind, is called an "Eiffel Tower."

We didn't know this because we've never touched another dude while having sex BECAUSE IT'S SO GAY. As the funny guys at Memorial would no doubt add, "not that there's anything wrong with that."

2. For Memorial, the medium of expression is raunchy T-shirts; for Stratford, it's vandalism. Many, many Memorial commenters pointed out that Stratford students had spray-painted MHS property or cars. We also heard a tale about leaving a dead horse on the MHS steps. But the horse was already dead before being moved, so that's okay, we were told. Football rivalries — how hilarious can they get? (Note: MHS students would spell that "halarious," judging from the comments.)

3. It's not just national clichés these guys live up to; it's local clichés, too. Memorial is, in the local popular mind, the home of rich suburban kids driving new cars while keeping it real. So we were glad to see comments like:

And for all of yall who think we are spoiled kids thats ridiculous. yes some of the kids who go to my school are but most are not and i agree 100 percent with one of the previous comments.. telling us that we are rich is not an insult it is a compliment. our parents work hard for their money they make. and sorry they aren't sitting on their asses like all of yall bitches that are blogging on some website.

Memorial represent!! Your maids and nannies, too!!

4. God bless the Houston Chronicle. They referred to Memorial's 20-6 win over Stratford as "a come-from-behind victory."

In their defense, at least they didn't say anything about how Stratford "could almost taste victory."

5. This has been going on a long time, and no doubt will continue. Knowing Memorial, the annual effort to print and sell T-shirts undoubtedly involves a formal corporation with Articles of Confederation filed with the secretary of state, an elected board of directors and an annual leadership retreat at an exclusive resort. A little bad publicity isn't going to change that. In fact, next year's shirts will no doubt try to be even more offensive.

We're sure the Mustangs have what it takes to accomplish that.

P.S.: Now that local TV is covering this, we really hope some hapless kids aren't made scapegoats. Some punishment, sure, but college-career-ending stuff? Not necessary. People make mistakes, and if there's genuine remorse...

Spaced City

Montrose Is Great
But not what it used to be

By Richard Connelly

The American Planning Association named Montrose one of the Top Ten neighborhoods in America recently, something we can totally understand.

But we can also understand why a lot of people grumble that the place just ain't what it used to be. So we asked people to come up with late, lamented landmarks of old Montrose. In no particular order:


The Proletariat

Pik 'n' Pak

The Mausoleum

The mural at Mary's


The old Sound Exchange

Dream Merchant

"Disco Kroger at 2 a.m. when it was fun to go there at 2 a.m."

Felix Mexican restaurant


To paraphrase the French, Le Montrose est mort; vive Le Montrose!


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