Michael Brown: "I've Become More Acutely Aware of How I Can Be Fleeced by Women." He Really Said That.

Things got downright weird during Michael Brown's testimony today, with attorney Robert Hoffman alleging that Brown's new hobby is to take pictures of naked "young women" aboard his yacht, and Brown claiming that hundreds of thousands he spent on gifts for an ex-girlfriend could be construed as business expenses.

He said the money he spent on ex Bridget MacTavish (the woman currently accusing him of giving her anal herpes) was a necessary expense because "that helps me as CEO to have some self-esteem, some health for my mind, my body, my spirit, and to love and be loved, all of which helps me function much better as CEO."

But he also said MacTavish was a scam artist who bilked a fortune from him, saying, "I've become more acutely aware of how I can be fleeced by women."

Hoffman and his mustache were on fire today, citing instance after instance of outrageously expensive corporate credit card expenses Brown lavished on MacTavish -- and himself -- including jewelry, watches and home furnishings, all of which allegedly violate an injunction order.

Hoffman and The 'Stache even asked Brown if he unlawfully used the corporate card to buy expensive Louis Vuitton briefcases to hold the cash his underlings siphoned from his businesses and delivered to him. (Brown denied this.)

A few of the 96 alleged violations filed in the motion against Brown include:

-- A $20,000 monthly lease on an apartment in New York City's Waldorf-Astoria Hotel.

-- $1.75 million spent on his yacht, the Amora.

-- $1.1 million on, oh wait, guess what, another fuckin' yacht, the Estasi.

-- $79,587 at VCH Jewelry

-- $83,000 at DIOR 57th in NYC.

-- $24,264 at Saks Fifth Avenue (Houston) -- over three days

-- $105,000 at Bergdorf Goodman (over 16 days)

We'll have more soon.

(See our further coverage of the Brown hearing, where he claims he's broke and former Astro Jeff Bagwell is trying to take his kids.)

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