Miss Pop Rocks: Dumbledore Is Gay…and Ron Weasley’s Into Leather
This past week, Harry Potter author J.K. “I’m Richer Than the Queen” Rowling announced that, in her mind, beloved headmaster Dumbledore had always been gay.
As faithful readers of Miss Pop Rocks are aware, I am way loving the gays. So I don’t have a problem with the idea of the hairy old wizard grooving on the XY set. But as a voracious reader, what I do find intriguing is the idea that characters in books are actual, real people in the lives of their creators. Real people with untold secrets and deeper dimensions.
It got me to thinking that you, dear readers, may not be aware of the many other characters in novels who led secret lives. For example, did you know:
• Huck Finn was born Judy Finn.
• Anne of Green Gables spoke eight different languages and was a master chess player.
• Guy Montag from Fahrenheit 451 was obsessed with Frank Sinatra records and often dressed up as Old Blue Eyes for Halloween.
• Most of the time, Alice in Wonderland was a real bitch.
• Despite what you might think, Holden Caulfield was hilarious, and often entertained those around him with wry, optimistic commentary about life.
• The Great Gatsby’s Nick Carraway loved to sleep in the nude.
• Reacting to the restrictive sexual mores of her time, Tess of the d’Urbervilles shaved above the knee.
• Romeo was tooooooootally boring in bed.
• Did you know Hester Prynne liked to be dominated?
• In later years, Humbert Humbert was a member of the Donny and Marie Fan Club.
• Sherlock Holmes passed the worst-smelling gas…and blamed it on the cat!
• Rhett Butler was also gay.
Just in case you were wondering… -- Jennifer Mathieu
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