Miss Pop Rocks: I Drink Tab. Yes. Tab.
My name is Miss Pop Rocks, and I’m a Tab addict. I just wanted you to know that. And I wanted you to know that it’s safe to admit that you may be a Tab addict too.
Tab. Just saying the name makes me feel cuter. And thinner. Tab. That delicious manna from Heaven that keeps your waistline trim and comes in an adorable little pink can. Pink!
Of course, loving the totally 80s diet soda comes with its challenges. There are only a few Krogers near my house that carry it, and I have yet to find a restaurant in the Houston area that offers it. During the lunch break at my place of employment, I’m forced to listen to such comments as, “Oh my God, do they still make Tab?”, “Are you seriously drinking Tab?” and, from the younger set, “What’s Tab?” I was starting to feel alone, lost, and out of place.
Then I found www.ilovetab.com, a Web site devoted to the joy that is the Tab product. And suddenly all was right with the world again.
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According to www.ilovetab.com, I am in the company of such celebs as Andy Warhol, Mary Louise Parker, Kellie Martin, Rachael Ray, Tori Spelling, and Houston’s own ZZ Top. In addition, I discovered that Tab has been name-checked and spotted in such films as “Fletch Lives,” “Airplane II,” and every one of the Austin Powers movies. In the novel “Less Than Zero,” by Bret Easton Ellis, there’s a mention of Tab in at least three places, and the drink also pops up in the recent Pulitzer Prize winning “Middlesex” by Jeffrey Eugenides (page 335 to be exact).
I was informed by my Tab friends that despite nasty urban myths to the contrary, Tab does not give you cancer! (Not that that would have stopped me from drinking it.) There are even links on the site that connect you to places that sell super cute Tab tees.
So to my fellow Tab lovers, never fear. The next time someone makes fun of you for drinking Tab, roll your eyes and remind them that you’re not alone. Remember, ZZ Top drinks Tab, too. – Jennifer Mathieu
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