MySpace? 5 Other Things Roger Clemens's Trial Judge Wants Jurors to Avoid
AVOID: Clemens jurors
Being a juror for a long, high-profile trial can be a burden, as you're forced to severely limit your news-reading habits so as not to be influenced by stories.
The judge in the Roger Clemens lawsuit has issued the standard warning for potential jurors, but he specifically included what might be the easiest rule ever -- stay off MySpace.
Any jurors hoping to spend hours reviewing clunky, glitter-filled, incoherent MySpace sites were no doubt crushed. Others likely reacted by being surprised MySpace is still around.
Judge Reggie Walton did not go far enough in his precautions, we feel. Any Clemens juror should also specifically be told to avoid:
5. The answering machine You come home from work, put down the groceries, then walk over to the DVR-sized contraption next to your phone. You wait patiently while it rewinds, and then listen to a bunch of messages that start "Ummm, not sure if this is recording or not, but anyway..."
Some of those messages might be about the Clemens trial!! Be kind: Do not rewind!!
Luckily, you will have plenty of time to reconsider your decision to get on Prodigy, as it loads at 1,200 bps or whatever it was/is.
Hello [stop.] Clemens lying asshole [stop]. [full stop]. And there goes a mistrial, plus you had to tip the messenger boy.
Because you never know when Grandma will fire up the account you opened for her back in 2003.
Just in case a juror has what is known in the technological world as a "home computer."
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