Never Bring Oatmeal to a Gunfight, Man Learns
It's Go Time. You and some other dude have been driving side by side, cursing the other, and now you've pulled over to settle things.
Other dude gets out with a gun. You reach for...a bowl of oatmeal?
Consider yourself outclassed, son.
The epic oatmeal vs. pistol showdown happened on a Texas City highway Monday, and a grand jury will decide whether any charges will come of it, the Galveston County Daily News reports.
Police say the one driver did have a concealed-carry license for the gun; it is not known whether the other had the necessary paperwork for the oatmeal.
Here's how it began, according to News:
A 49-year-old man and his wife were driving northbound on state Highway 146 in their red Mercedes, while their 20-year-old daughter followed in a black Mercedes, according to police reports.
The father reported looking in his rearview mirror and noticing a man in a white Chevy pickup too close to his daughter's car.
The father told police he saw the truck driver flailing his arms in an "agitated state," [Texas City PD] Capt. Brian Goetschius said.
The two Mercedes pulled over, and the 49-year-old man decided to give chase, because....well, we're not sure there's a good reason why.
At any rate, he caught up to the truck and there was "some swerving between the two vehicles" and cussing, Goetschius said.
And then: Cue the Ennio Morricone.
The driver of the truck got out first and had a bowl of oatmeal in his hand, according to police records.
The driver of the Mercedes grabbed his pistol and confronted the driver of the truck.
"Fearing for his safety, (the driver of the truck) tossed his bowl of oatmeal at (the man with the gun) to distract him and get away," said Goetschius, reading from the police reports.
The face-off: A man who allegedly drives angrily and unsafely, all the while eating a bowl of oatmeal. A man who instead of letting assholes drive on and be assholes, gives chase, cusses, pulls over and takes out a pistol.
For better or worse -- and we'd say "better," if only because we doubt the one guy had any more oatmeal to throw -- the showdown came to an abrupt end when a constable pulled up.
The gun owner was arrested but released without being charged.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.