NFL -- (Really F-ing Weird) Weekend In Review
Admittedly, on Sundays when the Texans are playing, I tend to get engrossed in whatever it is they're doing. I do a radio show in Houston, I talk about Houston sports, and therefore it is most important that I'm well versed in what Houston did on the field and the reaction after the
inevitable meltdown game.
So I focus largely on the Texans most Sundays. But when days like yesterday come along, with the Texans relaxing before tonight's game against the Ravens, it does give me a chance to soak in the remaining schedule moreso than usual.
So after dialing in on Sunday's Texan-less schedule, if I may ask those of you who sit down and watch nine games at a time every Sunday -- has the league been this fucking weird all season?
If you're keeping score at home, within a single Sunday we had a player ask the opposing quarterback for his autograph on the field after the game, we had an assistant coach literally trip an opposing player during a play, and yet multiply the bizarre nature of both of those items by a hundred and add them together and it still doesn't touch the fact that we had a roof of an entire stadium cave in (temporarily aiding the preservation of the longest consecutive games started streak for a quarterback in the history of the sport).
Yeah, I pretty much knew it was going to be an excellent Sunday of football when the first image I woke up to was the Metrodome in Minneapolis looking like someone had turned it into a convertible.
Buried under sixteen inches of snow, in the ultimate stadium-tenant metaphor, the roof of the Metrodome (presumably made of the finest cellophane) caved in early Sunday morning, sending the already postponed matchup between the Giants and the Vikings to Ford Field in Detroit tonight.
Of course, the only thing that the talking heads on ESPN wanted to discuss was how the postponement of the game would give Brett Favre's shoulder an additional 30 hours to heal and thus keep his consecutive starts streak alive (with Cris Carter going so far as to call it an "act of God" and not crack a smile or say "...BWAHAHA, JUST KIDDING!").
Me? I had other questions, such as "How do you build a stadium with a Teflon roof that can collapse under heavy snow in a city where it snows heavily roughly eleven and a half months out of the calendar year?" Or "Sooooo, three guys on the roof with snow shovels is the best snow removal method you can think of to dig out an ENTIRE FUCKING STADIUM buried in snow?" And finally "Why in the blue hell do you have Hefty garbage bags for your outfield walls?" (Truthfully, the last one is a question that predates the Great Avalanche of 2010.)
Somewhere, 32 years after its collapse, the geniuses who designed the Hartford Civic Center gladly hand over the championship belt for "Worst Engineers Ever" to the Metrodome team. Congrats guys!
So with "Collapse of a team's home stadium" crossed off my Sunday to-do list, it was now up to Jets' strength and conditioning coach Sal Alosi to up the ante. And up it he did.
On a third-quarter Dolphin punt, Miami special teams gunner Nolan Carroll was running along the Jets sidelines to go cover the kick when Alosi decided to channel his inner old school WWF manager and stick his knee out, knocking Carroll to the turf and forcing him to limp off the field (He would later return to the game.)
Alosi's reaction after the game (he apologized to the Dolphins, his teammates, and his employer) is irrelevant. He needs to be fired. Now. Not tomorrow. Not after breakfast. Now.
To hear Sportscenter anchors and the like say that "It's a good thing Carroll wasn't hurt, otherwise Alosi would be fired for sure" misses the point entirely. Alosi, as a completely unnecessary fixture on the sidelines (last i checked, there weren't any squats or lat pulldowns going on during an NFL game), not only jerked with the actual integrity of a play during the game but he put an opposing player at serious risk for a career-threatening injury.
Not through negligence, not by accident, but because he decided to play dirty. Alosi decided that he would take a shot at a completely unsuspecting player, knowingly eliminating him from the play when Carroll had no reason to expect it. This is what meathead bullies do.
Sal Alosi is a meathead bully. And if he's not fired today something is seriously wrong.
To be fair to Dallas running back Tashard Choice, topping a stadium implosion and an assistant "knee snipering" an opposing player is nearly impossible. His autograph request for Michael Vick after last night's Eagles-Cowboys game certainly deserves an "A" for effort, but short of having Vick shave his initials into Choice's dog's back, nothing was going to top what happened earlier in the day. A valiant effort, to be sure.
So I'm left to believe that outside of Houston, this is what goes on around the NFL. This is normal? Really? Next thing you're going to tell me is that the Big Ten is going to name their divisions the "Leaders Division" and the "Legends Division".....
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 3-7 p.m. weekdays on the "Sean & John Show" and follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.