NFL Safety LaRon Landry's Incredible Physique: You Be the Judge, Not Me
LaRon Landry doesn't need an artist.
Free agency begins in the NFL on March 13. For players who are trying to secure that next big deal and potentially life-changing money, the chance to impress on the field is over. For safety LaRon Landry, the final impression he left was a 2011 season that started on the Physically Unable to Perform (PUP) list and ended with an Achilles tendon injury.
Landry finished out his rookie contract playing in only eight games during the entirety of the 2011 season. For a league whose entire pay structure is calibrated on your ability to a) perform and b) stay healthy, this season was not the best for Landry.
There are no make-up tests in the NFL. You get 16 games, if you're lucky you get a postseason, and that's it. But much like a desperate high school student trying to do an extra credit project to raise his grade, Landry recently leaked these pictures of him on his Twitter account after his workouts:
Good God almighty.
Battle of the Piney Woods: SFA vs. SHSU
TicketsSat., Oct. 1, 3:00pm
University of Houston Cougars Football vs. Tulsa Golden Hurricane Football
TicketsSat., Oct. 15, 11:00am
Rice University Owls Football vs. UTSA Roadrunners Football
TicketsSat., Oct. 15, 6:00pm
Rice University Owls Football vs. Prairie View A&M University Football
TicketsSat., Oct. 22, 2:30pm
I'm going to be very careful what I say about Landry, because frankly I'm fearful that he will throw on his cape, fly to Houston and flip my head off its torso using his thumbs like a first grader does to a dandelion.
I think my favorite part of these pictures is the dichotomy they represent. I mean, depending on your level of cynicism, these pictures are either the most powerful sales poster or the ultimate heat check.
If your general view of mankind is one where you presume innocence and everyone starts with an "A" and must work their way down to an "F," then you're probably amazed and impressed with LaRon Landry's ability to take his already chiseled physique and turn it into something resembling a Greek god.
If your general view of mankind is one where you presume guilt and the human condition is such that we will all do whatever it takes, legal or illegal, to achieve our individual goals by any means necessary, then the team that signs Landry is basically signing a guy who is a walking four-game suspension for PED's waiting to happen.
Where do I come out on this? Like I said, I don't want to say anything that would anger LaRon Landry. HIs methods are his methods. Now, I would like to take this chance to congratulate him on becoming a shoo-in for the cover of next year's NFL Blitz video game.
It's so much easier and much less expensive when you don't need an artist to insert cartoonish 30-inch biceps on a man's torso.
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m. weekdays, and watch the simulcast on Comcast 129 from 6 a.m. to 7:30 a.m. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.