NFL Week 7: Dolphins 44, Texans 26 — 4 Winners, 4 Losers

Torn Achilles, season over, and fair to wonder if Foster's Texans career is now over.
Torn Achilles, season over, and fair to wonder if Foster's Texans career is now over.
Photo by Aaron M. Sprecher

Anger has subsided, and at this point, numbness has set in. The Texans' routine in their five losses, the manner in which they embarrass themselves and the city, at this point, is really the only reliable thing remaining about this team. You can set your watch to it — when this team loses, it will get destroyed early and often. 

Here's the weekly agenda — fall behind early by lots of points, double digits for sure, with perpetual failure in running the football and no discernible interest in tackling. Then, once the opposition has pulled its foot off the gas pedal in the second half, begin zinging the ball all over the yard against a defense that is more focused on staying healthy than stopping Brian Hoyer. Score 20-something meaningless points, throw for 200-something meaningless yards, get a wide receiver 100 totally meaningless yards receiving.

Lose another game, have another presser, tell us the season isn't over, remind us how shitty the AFC South is and tell us what good guys they all are.

Lather, rinse, repeat. Let's get this over with…

WINNERS

4. Ryan Tannehill
Overall, the fourth-year signal caller out of Texas A&M was having a rough go this season, with a passer rating barely above 80, a completion percentage below 60, and seven picks in five games. Then along came the perfect elixir — a Texans defense that allowed yards after the catch in droves and tackled Tannehill's receivers with the gusto of a below-average fast-food worker Tannehill's numbers on the day? 18 of 19, 282 yards, four touchdown passes and a near perfect QBR of 94.2. 

3. Charles James
After each game, on the Texans' post-game radio show, we have to find a Signature Player of the Game (brought to you by the Kemah Boardwalk!). Not since, well, the Atlanta game three weeks ago has it been harder to find a worthy Texan than it was yesterday. So screw it, we gave it to Charles James, who in his return to the Texans had three solo tackles on special teams. You go, CJ2!! 

2. Gary Kubiak
How good has 2015 been to Gary Kubiak? Well, generally speaking, he is hired to do one thing anywhere he goes — construct an offense that imposes its will on opposing teams. In his first year as head coach in Denver, he's put together an offense that has made Peyton Manning look like Charlie Whitehurst. Somehow, though, Kubiak is sitting at his bye week at 6-0. On top of that, he got to spend said bye week watching the team that fired him look far more inept and uninterested than they ever did on Kubiak's watch. Win-win! 

1. Jacksonville Jaguars
They were the only winners in the AFC South this weekend, which means that the Colts are currently leading the division at 3-4. Strangely enough, by being such a gaggle of losers, the entire AFC South are individually winners insomuch as they can all continue to pimp hope that they'll win the division to their disillusioned fan bases. 

LOSERS

4. Arian Foster
If you were to ask me, "What's the last thing the Texans need offensively right now?" I'd say an injury to Arian Foster — slightly ahead of a constant shuffle along the offensive line, horrific tight end play, no receiver depth and a heavy reliance on Brian Hoyer at quarterback. The fact is they actually have ALL those things happening right now, but the Foster injury is a killer. In garbage time (which to be fair extended back to the beginning of the second quarter, but for our purposes here means the last four minutes of the game), Foster took one step forward after being lined up in the slot and went down as if he was shot by a sniper. The diagnosis was a torn Achilles. Season over, and fair to wonder if Foster's Texans career is now over. For what it's worth, his older brother Abdul speculated the same after the game….

3. Texans tight ends
Six targets, four drops, no catches, and one bobble that served the Dolphins a pick six on a silver platter. That's the afternoon for Garrett Graham and C.J. Fiedorowicz, the Texans' two tight ends, one of whom O'Brien decided to re-sign for a few million bucks a year last year, and another they used a third round pick on in 2014. They both stink at football right now. One question I need an answer to from O'Brien — what does he feel Graham and Fiedorowicz do well? 

2. Every Texan involved in this play…

1. Ryan Mallett
So around 10:20 a.m., as I was doing a little pre-game reading, John McClain drops this little gem on his timeline:

Okay, so many questions…like did Ryan Mallett drink on the flight to Miami? If so, what did he drink? Did the guy sitting next to him make small talk and ask him what he did for a living? What was it like to be standing in Hobby and hear them announce the "standby" list and hear "MALLETT…..RYAN…." over the PA system? Also, did the Texans make Mallett fly home commercial, too? That would seem to be an appropriate punishment. I'd have made him fly Spirit Airlines with about 15 carry-ons and make sure that the trip cost him like three grand. 

Ryan Mallett is a losing football player. He's got to go. 

Listen to Sean Pendergast on SportsRadio 610 from 2 to 7 p.m. weekdays. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanTPendergast and like him on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/SeanTPendergast.                 


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