Nine Things Not to Be Thankful For

I understand that yesterday was Thanksgiving, and that we're supposed to be all thankful and everything. But seriously, did any of you watch those football games? How can a person be thankful after being subjected to nearly 11 hours of blow-out football? So in that spirit, I've put together a list of nine things for which I'm not thankful, along with one item for which I am thankful.

9. The very special holiday-themed network NFL pregame shows.

8. No 30 Rock, and The Office was a repeat.

7. The possibility that the awfully mediocre Notre Dame Fighting Irish might qualify for a bowl game, and that they might qualify for a bowl game here in Houston.

6. The moron who feels that the tradition of a Detroit Lions football game on Thanksgiving Day must be forever observed.

5. The Chron's John McClain treating me like an idiot with an ill-fated attempt to convince me that Texans' defensive back Jacques Reeves is actually a good football player.

4. Turducken. Seriously, Turducken? Is it that hard to choose just one bird for dinner?

3. My tax dollars going to Citibank so that Citibank can stick its name on the New York Mets new stadium.

2. Any and all idiots defending that moron who thinks the tradition of a Detroit Lions football game on Thanksgiving Day must be forever observed.

1. Seriously, did you watch any of those so-called football games yesterday?

And the one thing for which I'm truly thankful.

The Planet of the Apes movies marathon on the Fox Movie Channel, especially since the Marky Mark remake was not one of the movies on the schedule.

- John Royal


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