Not Everything's Bigger In Texas. Take Penises, For Example
All you gay guys in Texas, you have let us down.
Manhunt, a website designed to encourage hook-ups between consenting male adults, has done an utterly scientific survey of dick size based on its ads. "Now that we have cock size as a feature on Manhunt profiles, we couldn't resist getting a feel for the our member's packages," the site said. (Our first surprise: Up til now, apparently Manhunt didn't have cock size as a feature in its profiles.)
So, since no one in these ads ever, ever lies about something like their age, looks or dick length, the numbers are absolutely beyond reproach.
And what do they show? Washington, D.C. is the home to the largest dicks in the nation. (Do you go for the politician joke here, or for the racial stats on DC's population? We'll let you decide.)
Rice Owls Football vs. Southern Miss
TicketsSat., Nov. 11, 2:30pm
Houston Texans vs. Arizona Cardinals
TicketsSun., Nov. 19, 12:00pm
Rice Owls Football vs. North Texas
TicketsSat., Nov. 25, 12:00pm
Houston Texans vs. San Francisco 49ers
TicketsSun., Dec. 10, 12:00pm
Houston Texans vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
TicketsMon., Dec. 25, 3:30pm
Texas...not in the top five...not in the top ten....(Rhode Island men have bigger dicks?)....where are we....Ah, here: Number 15.
Right behind South Dakota, a state whose measurements, we're sure, came from averaging both the gay guys there.
In DC the average penis size listed was 7.59 inches. In Texas it was 7.30. That's almost one-third of an inch less loving for Texans on the receiving end of these things, be they male or female.
It's not as bad as Alaska, which came in at 6.34 inches. Or Oklahoma, which couldn't break the seven-inch barrier either.
We have to assume that in the gay world there are strictly enforced standards on how to measure one's erect penis (or someone else's, for that matter), so we are comparing apples to apples here.
Being Number 15, sadly, is nothing to brag about. (To be sure, this study included only gay dicks. If they had straight cocks in there, the results would be a whole lot different, we're sure.)
Luckily, gay guys, there are many scientifically proven treatments to increase dick size.
If shady advertisements are any indication, that is.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Houston, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.