Not Everything's Bigger In Texas. Take Penises, For Example
All you gay guys in Texas, you have let us down.
Manhunt, a website designed to encourage hook-ups between consenting male adults, has done an utterly scientific survey of dick size based on its ads. "Now that we have cock size as a feature on Manhunt profiles, we couldn't resist getting a feel for the our member's packages," the site said. (Our first surprise: Up til now, apparently Manhunt didn't have cock size as a feature in its profiles.)
So, since no one in these ads ever, ever lies about something like their age, looks or dick length, the numbers are absolutely beyond reproach.
And what do they show? Washington, D.C. is the home to the largest dicks in the nation. (Do you go for the politician joke here, or for the racial stats on DC's population? We'll let you decide.)
Texas...not in the top five...not in the top ten....(Rhode Island men have bigger dicks?)....where are we....Ah, here: Number 15.
Right behind South Dakota, a state whose measurements, we're sure, came from averaging both the gay guys there.
In DC the average penis size listed was 7.59 inches. In Texas it was 7.30. That's almost one-third of an inch less loving for Texans on the receiving end of these things, be they male or female.
It's not as bad as Alaska, which came in at 6.34 inches. Or Oklahoma, which couldn't break the seven-inch barrier either.
We have to assume that in the gay world there are strictly enforced standards on how to measure one's erect penis (or someone else's, for that matter), so we are comparing apples to apples here.
Being Number 15, sadly, is nothing to brag about. (To be sure, this study included only gay dicks. If they had straight cocks in there, the results would be a whole lot different, we're sure.)
Luckily, gay guys, there are many scientifically proven treatments to increase dick size.
If shady advertisements are any indication, that is.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.
- Texas Threatens To Sue Resettlement Groups For Helping Syrian Refugees
- Rice Owls Win the Finale and Defeat Cynicism
- Ted Cruz and the Radical Anti-Abortion Movement