Houston 101

Our Favorite Houston Adopt a Drain Names

One of those blue dots could be your drain just waiting for you to adopt it and name it something highly inappropriate.
One of those blue dots could be your drain just waiting for you to adopt it and name it something highly inappropriate. Screenshot
We admit that we love the idea of Houston's Adopt a Drain program. If you haven't heard, you can adopt one of the city's ten thousand trillion bazillion (that's an estimate) storm drains and agree to keep it clear of debris at least four times per year, particularly before it rains. The idea is if enough good citizens agree to help keep the drains clear of leaves and garbage, not only will it help streets drain faster during heavy rains, but it will keep all that mess out of city bayous and other waterways.

There is a handy website where you, good Houstonian, may go and adopt your own drain. The best part is you can name the drain anything you want. And we mean a-ny-th-ing. In fact, some of your neighbors already have and here are some of our favorites.

Drainy McDrain Face and Boaty McBoat Drain

If you hadn't read about the naming contest for a ship via an online poll, the winner was Boaty McBoatface. Leave it to the internet. We applaud these two homages to the great Boaty.

It's Draining Men

We swear this is not a drain outside JR's, but it ought to be.

I'm On a Nightdrain! Fill My Cup

We clearly have a few GNR fans in H-Town.

One Drain to Drain Them All

We assume this drain leads directly to Mordor, but we haven't inspected it, so we can't say for sure.

This is Where Ted Cruz Stores the Bodies

This evidence for those who believe the Texas senator may indeed be the Zodiac Killer.

John Drain Gacy

Speaking of serial killers, this is both funny and creepy. Well played.

Drain the Main Vein

We don't encourage you to do this into your drain, but when you gotta go...

Draining 3's

Appropriate given what the Rockets are doing.

Snakes on a Drain

Look, somebody had to do it.


We are trying to imagine a city council meeting where someone has to explain why a street flooded. "Well, the guy said he would clean his Masshole and he just didn't."

Huge Gaping Hole

There's something very uncomfortable about the use of this name.

Preenie's Wet Hole

We honestly have no idea what this means and we truly do not want to know, but there is no denying it makes us giggle like a middle school boy.

Fuck Critical Mass

Our clear winner for best adopt a drain name, this is elegant brilliance. Bravo.
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Jeff Balke is a writer, editor, photographer, tech expert and native Houstonian. He has written for a wide range of publications and co-authored the official 50th anniversary book for the Houston Rockets.
Contact: Jeff Balke