Anyone who likes child porn has obviously got mental problems, but usually they're not completely idiotic -- after all, they have to find a way to indulge their sickness without being caught by the feds.

And then there's 22-year-old Josiah Samuel Stevens on Conroe.

He just got five years in prison for possession of child porn. How did the feds discover him? Because -- and we are shaking our heads as we write this -- the dude included child porn in his online submission to become Paris Hilton's best friend.

White courtesy phone for the Idiot Patrol, please. Idiot Patrol, white courtesy phone.

Let's examine this through the cold language of the U.S. Attorney's office:

Viacom Inc., and their subsidiary company MTV, owned and operated a website where individuals could enter a contest to become a best friend to Paris Hilton. An individual who entered the contest was required to create an account which included information about the person and an image to be associated with the person's account.

The image that was uploaded by Stevens in March 2008 onto the website depicted a nude prepubescent female, approximately two to three years of age, posed in a sexually lascivious manner touching the exposed and erect penis of a nude adult male which was pressed to her sexual organ. This image posted on the website by Stevens was accessible to the public and any person could view the image.

The U.S. Attorney's office didnot say whether Stevens's application was accepted by Paris. We're guessing not, but then we've never seen the show.

How sick was this guy? The feds examined his computer and "found images and videos containing child pornography, some of which included victims under the age of 12 and portrayed sadistic or masochistic conduct or other depictions of violence."

Enjoy your time in prison, a-hole.