Paging Alanis Morissette: Lufkin Couple Joins List of Great Ironic Criminals (and Accused Criminals)
Unlike the rain at Alanis Morissette's wedding day, this really was ironic...
According to the Lufkin Daily News, police there have arrested a couple on charges of assault-family violence after a cop spotted them smacking, clawing and tussling with each other outside the Angelina County Courthouse. This combat was a culmination of a verbal altercation that had begun inside the courthouse -- at a family-violence counseling session.
This latest domestic violence arrest is 57-year-old Garry Paul Kimmey's third since May. This arrest was 60-year-old Margaret Kimmey's first for this offense.
Here are six more ironic crimes:
6. In a story dark and twisted even by New Orleans's lofty standards, on the night of March 4, 1995, New Orleans cop Antoinette Frank's radio crackled with a report all cops dread to hear: An officer was reported down in a nearby Vietnamese restaurant.
Along with several dozen other cops, Frank quickly responded to the scene, where one of the panicked survivors of a sloppy robbery/massacre pointed Frank out to other cops as having just participated in the same triple homicide she was pretending to investigate. Frank's accomplice gunned down her partner on the NOPD; two restaurant employees were also among the slain. Both Frank and her accomplice are currently on Louisiana's death row.
5. In May of 2010, Horatio Toure committed what he thought was the perfect crime of opportunity. While riding his bike through the streets of San Francisco, he saw a woman walking down the street somewhat carelessly holding on to her iPhone. He snatched it and pedaled away furiously. Unfortunately for Toure, the woman was in the process of demonstrating the phone's real-time, GPS tracking capabilities for a conference going on down the street. Police tracked down Toure in ten minutes.
4. Two years ago, New Hampshire state liquor commissioner Richard Simard was summarily fired after he was arrested for, you guessed it, DWI. Police said Simard failed a roadside sobriety test, and Simard responded by refusing to take a Breathalyzer. "It is simply unacceptable for a liquor commissioner, stopped by the police on suspicion of driving under the influence, to refuse a Breathalyzer test," said New Hampshire governor John Lynch in a written statement. "Under the circumstances, Richard Simard's continued presence on the Liquor Commission would compromise the integrity of the commission."
3. Speaking of corrupt liquor law enforcers, while this might not quite qualify as full-blown irony, there was the recent case of Joe Chavez, the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission agent who was sentenced to 20 years in prison after being convicted of sexually assaulting the teen with whom he was conducting stings on underage booze sales.
2. Back in 2006, 66-year-old Thomas Kersey Milam allegedly attacked a local TV crew that showed up to film as he walked out of a Bossier City, Louisiana, courtroom where he had just been acquitted of aggravated assault. The freshly vindicated used car dealer was promptly re-arrested for simple assault, simple battery and simple damage to property.
1. Sometimes the literal can be stretched so far it transforms itself into irony, as in the case of English sex education teacher David Robinson. Last year the then-41-year-old was convicted of having a three-year relationship with one of his students that began when the girl was 15. It all started when she passed out drunk in his bathroom, a court heard, and Robinson would later attempt to interest her in threesomes with other underage girls. It was all just his way of teaching her all about sex, you see...The girl also told the court that their break-up came when she feared he was planning to pimp her out once he started a planned escort agency. After being found guilty of five counts of sexual activity with a child, Robinson was sent to prison for four years.
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