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Party Hard, Claus: Vintage Ads Featuring Santa with Booze, Cigs & Frat-House Kegger Supplies

Soda?! I ain't drinkin' no soda.
Soda?! I ain't drinkin' no soda.

Christmas is a time for parties, and apparently no one knows more about hard partying than Kris Kringle himself.

You can't blame the man -- anyone facing the pressure of successfully overnighting millions of gifts and checking the goddamn list twice needs to blow off some steam.

And Claus is apparently the guy you want to do it with, if vintage ads are any indication. Dude knows how to bring the supplies that any party needs.

Party Hard, Claus: Vintage Ads Featuring Santa with Booze, Cigs & Frat-House Kegger Supplies

10. Crown Royal Ain't no rotgut for Santa. His workshop is littered with purple sacks.

Party Hard, Claus: Vintage Ads Featuring Santa with Booze, Cigs & Frat-House Kegger Supplies

9. Cigs When you've stared down the Hun across No Man's Land, when you've lost more reindeer to mustard gas than you care to remember, when even a Montmartre whore can't get the awful death screams of elves out of your head, you're entitled to a cigarette, no matter what the damn FDA says about it.

Party Hard, Claus: Vintage Ads Featuring Santa with Booze, Cigs & Frat-House Kegger Supplies

8. Lighter And therefore you're going to need a lighter. Not to mention it'll come in handy around the bong.

Party Hard, Claus: Vintage Ads Featuring Santa with Booze, Cigs & Frat-House Kegger Supplies

7. Loose Women What happens at a Claus party stays at a Claus party, and it usually begins with a little upskirt action.

 

6. Cups Okay, so they're not 16-ounce Solo cups. You're just going to have to stand close to the keg. Deal with it.

Party Hard, Claus: Vintage Ads Featuring Santa with Booze, Cigs & Frat-House Kegger Supplies

5. Beer And the beer in that keg will be Bud -- none of that Keystone Light crap.

Party Hard, Claus: Vintage Ads Featuring Santa with Booze, Cigs & Frat-House Kegger Supplies

4. Jell-O Wrestling Give the ladies enough time to get loose, break out the Jell-O, and start the hootin' and hollerin'.

 

Party Hard, Claus: Vintage Ads Featuring Santa with Booze, Cigs & Frat-House Kegger Supplies

3. Post Hook-Up Cig Look at Santa's face here -- this is a guy who just got a satisfying blow job from a Jell-O-covered drunk sorority sister after she and her friend gave him some faux-lesbo make-out action. A Lucky Strike, indeed.

Party Hard, Claus: Vintage Ads Featuring Santa with Booze, Cigs & Frat-House Kegger Supplies

2. Imported Beer for the Snobs Rather than endure tired jokes about how American beer is like sex in a canoe ("It's fucking close to water!!" har-har), Claus keeps some imported ale on hand like any good host would.

Party Hard, Claus: Vintage Ads Featuring Santa with Booze, Cigs & Frat-House Kegger Supplies

1. A Nightcap For the afterparty, where you're sitting around trading sophisticated tales of Jell-O blow jobs.


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