Poor Substitute: MacGregor Middle School Teacher Does More Than Pass Out Worksheets
I suppose if I were a parent, I would also be enraged by the unorthodox teachings of the fifth-grade substitute at MacGregor Middle School who had her kids call her Sister Jessica. But as it is, she just seems like fun. I can imagine us at happy hour together. Her chatter would be way more fascinating than the usual my-boss-sucks, these-are-my-weekend-plans, Barack-or-Hillary conversation.
This little story presents gem after gem from Sister Jessica. Among them:
• Don’t call her Miss, cuz that means mistress. While you’re at it, don’t call her Mister, either – that’s a slave owner.
• Sugar is cocaine.
• McDonald’s is Crack Donald’s.
• Burger King is Murder King.
• Hair permanent and makeup cause cancer.
• There’s rat poison in toothpaste.
• And, of course, God doesn’t exist.
What I want to know is, why’d the kids nark on this woman? Best. Substitute. Teacher. Ever! (Sister Jess, give me a call. Beer’s on me!) – Cathy Matusow
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.
- Texas Suing VW is Such Adorable Hypocrisy
Sat., Oct. 24, 12:00am
Sat., Oct. 24, 11:00am
Sun., Oct. 25, 12:00am
Mon., Oct. 26, 12:00am
- The Steve Sarkisian Firing: A Lesson In (Poor) Leadership
- Going Under: What Can Happen If Your Anesthesiologist Leaves the Room During an Operation