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Porn Proves Texas Is Not Southern: We Prefer "Teen," They Prefer "Ebony"

Is that my granddaughter?
Is that my granddaughter?

The question of whether Texas is part of the South or the Southwest has long been debated. Now we can answer that question, thanks to porn.

(Is there anything porn can't do?)

PornMD, a porn-searching Web site that apparently tries to wrap itself in the aura of the health industry, has put together rankings of each state's top 10 most commonly searched terms on porn sites over a six-month period. (They also do it for countries.)

The Southern states' leading search term seems to be "ebony" -- it's number one in Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina and North Carolina. We're not going to speculate why.

Texas, however, eschews the "ebony" category. (To a degree, that is -- it places tenth in the Lone Star state's list.)

Number one in Texas? "Teen."

Yay?

We assume those teens are barely legal, because porn-lovin' Texans would never, ever break the law to satisfy their raw urges.

After "teen," Texans go to the other end of the age spectrum: "MILF" comes in second. Which means, we guess, that Texans are obsessed with age when it comes to their porn; they just can't make up their minds about what age it should be.

Here's Ye Olde Compleat Porno List for Texans:

1. Teen 2. MILF 3. Creampie 4. College 5. Amateur 6. Massage 7. POV 8. Hentai 9. Anal 10. Ebony

 

(For those who are not porn aficionados, we are told that "POV" refers to a handheld camera, usually looking down upon a woman on her knees performing an oral service on the cameraman, and "Hentai" is a type of Japanese porn . Oh, and "Creampie" refers to creative uses of jism on women.)

Among the terms that show up on other states' lists that don't even make Texas' top 10:
1. BBW (Big, Beautiful Women; i.e. chubbies) 2. Wife (Non-BBW ones, we assume) 3. Compilation (For those too busy to search!) 4. Mom (Maybe the survey was taken around Mother's Day?) 5. Asian (Houston obviously did not represent itself in this study) 6. Lesbian (With a lesbian as mayor, it would be like watching your fourth-grade teacher have sex?) 7. Squirt (Hey, we're in a drought here!!!)

There were also these oddities:

a) The category "Lisa Ann" ranked fourth in South Dakota and seventh in North Dakota. (She gets around.)

b) Iowa's list included "Backstage Casting Couch," "Parody" and "SC (gay)" which, unless it involves South Carolina dudes into Nicki Minaj (Go Gamecocks!!), we have no idea what it's about.

As to the rest of that Iowa list, we guess the one guy who likes porn in Iowa really skews things up.

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