Rick Perry, Aggie Football Hero

The closest Rick Perry ever got to playing football at Texas A&M was being a cheerleader --


, a "yell leader," as the Aggies call them, because it's so much manlier.

But once he started giving tax breaks to EA Sports to attract them to Texas, he's now a QB with a tight spiral and the ability to complete passes in tight coverage. Why, it's like he has a laser-sight and the receivers are coyotes!

At least according to this video, where No. 17 -- Certainly he's Number One in your hearts -- leads the Aggies down the field against a Longhorn team that is utterly baffled by his near-superhuman ability.

The "Paint Creek Playmaker" is listed at 6-4, 217 pounds, if you're keeping score at home. His hair, unfortunately, is covered by his helmet. Unless the helmet is his hair, tinted maroon.....

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