Rick Perry's Decisions Prove Fast Food Is Better Than Jogging
The unfortunate results of running.
Rick Perry dropped out of the presidential race today, finally coming to grips with a reality most had accepted on his behalf four months ago.
In doing so, he proved conclusively an important point: Fast food is better for you than jogging. At least when it comes to decision-making.
After faring abysmally in Iowa, Perry famously came back to Texas to ponder his future. While jogging, he said, he decided to stay in the race. He even issued the goofy photo to the upper right of his Road to Damascus moment.
Smart decision? Not to put too fine a point on it, but hells the fuck no.
On the other hand, it's being reported he made his decision to get out of the race at a Wendy's.
That's Wendy's, home of the 970-calorie, 63-grams-of-fat Baconator Double:
Two 1/4 lb. patties topped with juicy Applewood Smoked Bacon in between a premium buttered, toasted bun. Topped off with mayo, ketchup, and American cheese. Now that's not just a sandwich, but a tasty treat.
Which decision was the better one? The choice seems clear.
The only moral we can take from this is: Give up running and start scarfing down Baconator Doubles. Your IQ will vastly improve.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.
- HBU Says the Feds Are Forcing It to Sin (and These Uber-Conservative Judges Agree)
Thu., Oct. 8, 8:00pm
Fri., Oct. 9, 12:00am
Sun., Oct. 11, 12:00am
Mon., Oct. 12, 12:00am
- KHOU vs. DISH Contract Standoff Still Isn't Over
- College and NFL Football: This Weekend's Best Bets