Put that Peep down, perp!
The Season of the Peep is over for yet another year, the hideous tastewarpers going out of sight, out of mind until stores once again begin next year's Easter push, generally a week before Valentine's Day.
Much as we would like to simply forget about Peeps for as long as possible, it would be unseemly to send them off without some kind of hurrah.
But which kind?
We'll cover all the bases, as you'll see. Feel free to try it yourself, in the comments or on our Facebook page. Grand Prize: No Peeps sent to your house.
5. The noble limerick There once were some candies called Peeps That always would give kids the creeps. They had soulless eyes Despite any disguise -- They were shit from some yellowy sheeps.
4. The even nobler Haiku Alas, noble Peep Your days on this Earth are through You doubt? Ask my stomach. 3. By substituting "Peep(s)" for a key word in a well-loved poem
The Red Wheelbarrow By William Carlos Williams
so much depends upon
a red wheel barrow
glazed with rain water
beside the white peep.
2. Changing the lyrics to a well-known song, such as the Beatles' "A Hard Day's Night." (Fun fact about Peeps: The ingredients are marshmallow, corn syrup, gelatin and carnauba wax. It t urns out that last item has many other uses.)
"A Hard Day's Night" By Lennon & McCartney
Hey it's ol' carnauba wax and we need it to shine our shoes Yeah it's carnauba wax In pipes and make-up, it's what we use And when we polish the floor Carnauba wax we adore Then we eat it on Easter Day?
With our Peeps ev'rything seems to be right Don't look too deep, or you'll get no sleep though the night, night yeah....
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1. Tastelessly substituting "Peep(s)" in a heartfelt, touching song and thereby burning in Hell forever
"Heaven" By Eric Clapton Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please
Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure And I know there'll be no more Peeps in heaven.