If you needed any more evidence that Comcast was an agent of evil on par with Al Qaeda or whomever makes those peanut-butter-filled pretzels, look no further than the cable company's inescapable local commercials featuring Sam Houston. The former Texas President/Governor is shown engaging in a variety of "hip" and "with it" activities to dupe us into signing up for Comcast's antiquated coaxial garbage. Sadly, these are merely the latest in a long and unpleasant series of appropriating political figures to shill products.
5. Abraham Lincoln -- Rozerem In the words of Bart Simpson, "Even your dreams are square." Replace Lincoln with 1966-era Ann-Margret, the beaver with Monica Bellucci, and the chessboard with a rotating waterbed, then get back to me.
4. Catherine the Great -- Century Cigarettes
"Hi, I'm Catherine the Great." Century Cigarettes knew the best way to get ringing celebrity endorsements was by using figures that have been dead for hundreds of years, especially when they make a subtle reference to that nasty horse rumor. Also look for luminaries like Genghis Khan (who sounds like Ali G), Charlemagne, and Ivan the Terrible.
3. Winston Churchill -- John McCain
Juxtaposing the former Prime Minister -- who was as skilled at rhetoric and persuasive speaking as the dancer at Treasures that convinced me to drop $200 for the Champagne Room -- with the verbally awkward McCain apparently didn't have the effect his campaign was hoping for.
2. George Washington -- Boost Mobile
Our first President has reappeared in several places lately, most of which have portrayed him symapthetically (David Morse's version in HBO's John Adams miniseries) or as the apogee of awesomeness (Creased Comics' Washington Rap). Then there's this, which has the Father of Our Country shilling cell phone plans with nary a warning about getting involved in entangling foreign allianc...er, roaming plans.
1. Mahatma Gandhi -- Telecom Italia
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According to this ad, access to advanced media technology would've allowed Gandhi to spread his message of peace and nonviolence across the globe. More likely, he would've shunned boring shit like fasting and salt marches in favor of posting a series of videos showing him scoring 100% on Guitar Hero 3's "Through the Flames and Fire."
On Expert, of course.
-- Pete Vonder Haar