Santa Duck Hunter: This is How We Do Holiday Decorations in Texas

There is a common snicker often heard among people who don't live in Texas about the Lone Star State. We like to hunt and fish and eat chili with no beans in it. We wear big cowboy hats and cowboy boots on, like, Tuesdays. We talk funny.

All of those things are true for certain people in Texas. Many of us in cities like Houston try to dispel the myth that we are backward and terribly un-sophisticated. But, even here, we have one of the largest rodeos in the world and drive a LOT of trucks, so rather than abandon who we are altogether, we embrace it.

Some embrace it gently, like the to-the-side, ass-out hug you would give someone you just met who really likes hugs, but it makes you uncomfortable because your family wasn't affectionate with you as a kid, so you do it, but as quickly and awkwardly as possible. Others hold onto it with the death grip of a mother sending her only child on his first trip alone to visit relatives and even though he'll only be gone for a couple days, it feels like she is trying to purposefully break a rib so he will be forced to stay and her gentle sobs into his quilted winter vest (even though it's August and he's going to Dallas) will need to be addressed in therapy years later. Ahem.

Getting back to the analogy, that last hug is what the person who decorated the house in the photo below did with Christmas decorations. He embraced the holy shit out of Texas.


Cocked, locked and ready to fill stockings.
Cocked, locked and ready to fill stockings.
Photo by Jeff Balke

I didn't see this scene lit up, but I can only hope the lights are blue or green to simulate the lake where the harmless ducks are about to be blown to bits by Santa. Note that St. Nick is the one with the shotgun ready to go, though we wish the elves that put this together would have sewed him some proper camouflage jammies. Those ducks are going to see that jolly old killing machine from 100 yards away.

Happy holidays from Texas! Yee haw!

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