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Seahawks RB Marshawn Lynch Is a Fantasy Crime League Near Miss in Club Brawl

A near-miss in an SF bar brawl.
A near-miss in an SF bar brawl.

As the inventor of the NFL Offseason Fantasy Crime League, I like to respect its integrity.

In actual fantasy football, there are no reports or embedded highlight videos of the near scoring misses. Nobody has a stat line for the number of times a running back is snubbed at the goal line or for how many times a quarterback fizzles on a short three-and-out drive. For scoring purposes, we don't need to know these things.

Same thing with crime. There's no reason for me to report on players getting pulled over but let go. No reason to report on players who were actually peacemakers in a crime-heavy situation and were cited for nothing.

Normally, I adhere to these self-imposed rules. Except this one time (until the next time).

I think it's worth mentioning this story on TMZ involving Marshawn Lynch being around (but apparently not throwing fists) in a San Francisco bar fight, especially in light of the growing faction of people who think Johnny Manziel is on a dark road to nowhere because he was floating on an inflatable swan in a pool somewhere in Austin over the weekend.

In case you haven't seen the story, here it is, courtesy of TMZ:

Marshawn Lynch definitely had a front row seat for a fistfight between two crews at an S.F. nightclub -- but STAYED OUT OF THE RUCKUS ... at least, that's how it appears in pics obtained by TMZ Sports.

As we previously reported, the Seattle Seahawks running back was at Mezzanine in San Fran with his cousin Mistah F.A.B. -- when F.A.B.'s crew got into it with DJ Mustard's crew.

F.A.B. had previously told us that Lynch was NOT involved in the fight -- and now, these pics seem to back up his story ... because even though Lynch was clearly right in the mix when the fight started, he backed away from madness and security quickly jumped in and broke it up.

Probably a smart move considering Lynch is still on probation stemming from a DUI arrest a few years ago ... AND he's in the middle of a $30 million contract.

Okay, a few things here...

1. Lynch's cousin is named "Mistah F.A.B." I don't think that's his real name.

2. This whole Mistah F.A.B. and DJ Mustard beef...I've been saying forever that this thing could blow sky high any minute! Nobody would listen to me. (Or, I'd never heard of either one of them until four minutes ago. One or the other.)

3. For those wondering, I do NOT believe that DJ Mustard is related to Colonel Mustard of Kingdom Clue.

4. Apparently (and this is not my being snarky), this whole beef was over some things that were said on a New York radio station. I think I'm looking at the pictures of these two guys fighting and I'm reacting the same way that 99.9 percent of society reacts when a couple of sports talk show hosts from competing stations beef with each other. Who are you guys again??

5. Hey, Marshawn Lynch is a grown man, he can do what he wants. My own personal observation here, though -- if you're on probation (and in the middle of an eight-figure NFL contract), generally, it makes more sense to look for less risky places to hang out. I'm pretty sure if there were a scale of 1 to 100 rating scenarios where a probation violation could take place, "hanging in a San Francisco nightclub after midnight near two feuding rap artists" would score somewhere in the low 90's. Just saying.

 

6. Last but not least, while everyone seems willing to write Lynch's questionable judgment off as "'Beast Mode' being 'Beast Mode'," I shudder to think what would happen to civilization if you replaced Marshawn Lynch with Johnny Manziel in this scenario.

Can you imagine, if a picture popped up on TMZ of Johnny Manziel trying to help break up a fight in a San Francisco nightclub between some dude named "Mistah" and some DJ named "Mustard"? The second the picture surfaced, you'd see the lights ominously flicker everywhere in the world, like they do during a thunderstorm before you lose all power.

SportsCenter would completely audible on whatever story they were in the middle of, and give us a swooshy, zippy "BREAKING NEWS" graphic, and show us still shots of a fight in which Johnny Manziel didn't even throw any hands! They would then toss it over to the First Take desk, where Steven A. Smith and Skip Bayless (both in bathrobes, having just been woken up on an emergency basis) debate what this means for Manziel, the Browns, Texas A&M and Kingdom Come.

Sorry, world. I guess Johnny isn't the only NFL player who isn't running up to his bedroom at 9 p.m. in his jammies with a cup of cocoa ready to dive into the playbook.

How disappointed you must be....

Listen to Sean Pendergast on SportsRadio 610 from 2 p.m. to 7 p.m. weekdays. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.


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