Sex and Soccer
Why Have Sex?
UT researchers get some odd answers
By Cathy Matusow
Okay, get ready to have the bejesus scared out of you. David M. Buss and Cindy M. Meston, professors of psychology at the University of Texas, have a new book called Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between). They interviewed more than 1,000 women about why they did the deed, and some of the reasons the women gave were, according to Buss, "borderline evil."
The scariest reason of all: to give someone an STD. "If you asked me in advance if I thought a woman would have sex in order to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease, that's not something that would pop into mind," says Buss. "But even though it's a very infrequent motive, those can have large and far-ranging consequences."
Other reasons women gave for having sex — because it felt good, because the person turned them on, or (oh, right) to have a baby — were more standard. But Buss says the reason he and Meston started this project was that they realized women are more complicated than that.
"We are both researchers who have studied sexuality for some time," says Buss, "and we realized that there's this huge gap in the literature. People had assumed the reasons were fairly obvious...but once we started delving into the topic, we realized that sexual motivation was far more complex."
Some women had sex to get back at a cheating partner. Others had sex with their best friends' partners because the friends had similarly betrayed them. Women said they had sex to get promoted, to get closer to God and to get mates to take out the trash.
Women also reported having sex to "lure [a man] out of a relationship." Buss calls the phenomenon "mate poaching" and says it's a "surprisingly common mating strategy."
Maybe we're jaded, but we're not too surprised by the mate poaching or, frankly, any of the rest (except the STD spreading). But we suppose someone needed to do some real research on what anyone who's seen Melrose Place already knows.
End Times in Fort Bend
The plagues arrive on a soccer field
By Richard Connelly
They put in some ritzy new improvements for the soccer fields in Sienna Plantation, a ritzy suburb in occasionally ritzy Fort Bend County.
But they didn't count on the fire ants. Or the wild pigs.
Officials for the youth leagues sent out an e-mail to parents informing them of their futile efforts to tame Mother Earth.
"In recent days, we've had some unwanted guests at the Camp Sienna soccer fields," it said. "You've no doubt seen the fire ants which seem to have overtaken us! Despite our best efforts, including spreading ant bait twice a week for the last four weeks, we just can't seem to rid the fields of these pests."
Hey, if "you've no doubt seen the fire ants which seem to have overtaken us," then we're guessing they're pretty damn big collections of fire ants.
But ants are just ants. They ain't got nothing on the wild pigs.
"It also appears that a crowd of wild pigs has moved into the Sienna area," the e-mail pleasantly continues. "While these animals typically don't come out into the open during the day, they are rooting up our fields nightly in search of food. We continue to monitor the situation closely and are filling the holes as quickly as possible."
In order to save time, we'll just go ahead with the next e-mail to all the soccer moms and dads:
Hello again!! Is it almost October already?!
Just a few quick notes. First, we're hoping to set a date for the league garage sale. Please tell us if October 17 is A-OK with you!!
Second, a great big Sienna Camp thank you to Bill & Beth, who hosted a wonderful BBQ for our champs last month! Thanks! In other news, you may have noticed the plague of locusts near Field C. We're working hard on this, and hope our animal sacrifice to Baal will turn the trick!!
Also, the incurable boils some players have contracted are being looked into. We had a sacrifice to another God planned for last Tuesday to address this problem, but the deluge of frogs caused a change in plans. Check the newsletter for updates!!!
As for the pestilence and hail, we have contacted the state organization to see just what is the best way to go about addressing those problems. Remember also, when the new league schedule begins October 3 (assuming the animal sacrifices can be done in time), we'll be on "B" schedule, not "A" schedule.
Thanks!! And if anyone knows a good exorcist, please contact us ASAP.
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