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Sex & Violent Mayhem: Santa with Batman, Superman, Spidey & Other Comic Superheroes

That Santa, he gets around.

And part of his getting around is mingling with the comic-book heroes of the day, if history is any judge.

Whether he's chatting up Batman, seemingly getting a blow job from Wonder Woman or riding bareback on Captain Marvel, Mr. Claus is a good friend of those who protect us.

Here are eight examples:

8. Batman

The TV show's traditional most-unconvincing rope-climbing-ever shtick results in a greeting from a Santa who sounds like he should be called "Cookie" and be rustling up some grub on a cattle drive.

Sex & Violent Mayhem: Santa with Batman, Superman, Spidey & Other Comic Superheroes

7. Super hand job
Santa seems to be enjoying being punched in the stomach just a little too much, so we can only surmise something else is going on here. Presumably involving Superman's left hand.

Sex & Violent Mayhem: Santa with Batman, Superman, Spidey & Other Comic Superheroes

6. Welcome to Dallas
Spider-Man gets the Dallas greeting normally reserved for visiting presidents. Although to be honest, Santa looks a little like Jack Ruby, so maybe Peter Parker was on the grassy knoll.

Sex & Violent Mayhem: Santa with Batman, Superman, Spidey & Other Comic Superheroes

5. Putting the "Wonder" in "Wonder Woman"
You don't need a dirty mind to look at Wonder Woman's supplicating pose, Green Lantern's less than subtle hand gesture and Santa's extremely happy face to figure out what's going on. The Flash? He just likes to watch.

 

4. Robot Chicken

No explanation needed.


Sex & Violent Mayhem: Santa with Batman, Superman, Spidey & Other Comic Superheroes

3. Captain Marvel
This unambiguously gay duo is not helping their straight cred by hanging out with a prepubescent girl.

Sex & Violent Mayhem: Santa with Batman, Superman, Spidey & Other Comic Superheroes

2. Superman and Batman and Robin
OH NOOOO!!!!! Superman is threatened by toy tanks!!!! Meanwhile, Santa and Robin do all the heavy lifting while the Caped Crusader limits himself to supplying the jaunty walk that you can do when you're not breaking your goddamn back.

Sex & Violent Mayhem: Santa with Batman, Superman, Spidey & Other Comic Superheroes

1. Run for your life, Clauski
Your stinkin' Commie wealth-sharing ways don't play in the Marvel universe, red man.


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