Oh, honey. Did you blearily roll over at 2:30 a.m. this morning, only to catch a glimpse of your paramour's illuminated face? Not from any post-orgasmic glow, mind you, but from the intense spotlight emitted from her iPhone's screen? Well, before you go slinging obscenities in her direction and referring to the area between her legs as a 24-hour Kwik-E-Mart, we may have eleventh-hour information that could save your relationship or your convenience arrangement, whatever it may be.
Nay, dear reader, the love of your life or firestarter of your loins may not, indeed, be fervently texting her intentions to leave your arms for those of her illicit lover. The Other Man may be as simple as Words With Friends.
Sure, this may all sound anti-climactic to those of you living in the Stone Age and still mashing your fat little fingers into teensy weensy BlackBerry keys. For the Enlightened Ones, however, Words With Friends is so much more than Hasbro lawsuit fodder. Words With Friends is a virtual party. In your pants, in your purse, on your couch, in the waiting room, at lunch, in your bed, in the dark, while you're drunk, in a meeting, under the covers, in your underwear. It's the kind of cerebral fun you only looked forward to before you realized your protruding body parts fit together with those internal cavities of the opposite sex so well.
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We're so happy, 'cause today you found your friends. As the naming convention suggests, you play Words With Friends with, um, your friends. Or acquaintances. Or people you don't know at all, if people that actually like you (or know how to spell) are in short supply. As long as you've got the screen names of said IRL friends, starting a new game with anyone is a cinch. Okay, probably not Mickey Mouse or your imaginary friend Molly that used to play treehouse with you, but you get the idea.
Run the streets with your thugs; it'll be waiting for you. One of the most drooltastic aspects of Words With Friends is that it can be played at your own pace. Wanna get a word off once an hour? Sweet. Wanna neglect your game for the weekend and come back to crush your opponent on Monday morning? Do it. You can. As long as you make a move within seven days, your game remains active and available on the app's home screen.
How do you like it? More, more, more! One friend or one match can't fulfill your insatiable wordworking needs? Run as much game as you want, you pimp. There's no limit to the spreadability of your word scrambling seed. Leave the monogamy gig for reality.