Social Distortion: Social Media Under Siege
Yesterday, August 6th, 2009 - a date which will live in infamy - the social web was suddenly and deliberately attacked by a Distributed Denial of Service (DDOS) of the Online Empire of Cyxymu.
In a word? Thursday SUCKED.
A spam campaign by a pro-Georgian (the country, not the state, ahem) blogger crippled (at best) or straight-up hospitalized (at worst) some essential social networking sites. Twitter, Facebook, and LiveJournal were among the civilian casualties in the attack, as the evil emperor Cyxymu had 'em by the balls for at least parts of, if not throughout the majority of, yesterday's workday.
What did this mean? Well, for a few hours, the whole world was devoid of lengthy debates over whether a ham sandwich or a chef's salad would suffice for lunch, emo teens the world over were unable to wax poetic about Fall Out Boy hopefully winning an MTV Video Music Award, and overenthusiastic parents were prohibited from publishing flipbooks-cum-photo-albums of every move their child made over the span of thirty seconds to share with their disinterested friends.
OH, THE HORROR!
So, then, what DID people do with this unfamiliar liberation of their time?
"While Twitter and FB were down, I was renegotiating contract prices downward and yelling and cursing at vendors I was angry with. Essentially, I took my tech frustration out on certain vendors."
"I was more productive on my laptop than ever. Ha! Bored as shit though."
"Surprisingly, I got a LOT of work done. Crazy, I know."
"Curled into the fetal position and tried to wait it out."
"Was able to get two degrees, get married, move into a home, and read books!"
"I did one of the most important and profound things I could think of: I took a nap."
Productivity? Copulation? Education? Invigoration? NO, NO, NO!
NONE OF THIS WAS AS GOOD AS SPEWING RANDOM, UNNECESSARY THOUGHTS INTO THE INTERWEBS. None of it! Who do some of these people think they are, independent of the Internet or something? They don't believe that they actually - gasp! - have lives outside their computers, do they? Well, that's poppycock! Even balderdash! At this point in the game, real life simply doesn't compare. All these Band-Aid actions bring tears to the eyes.
Taking the lead from good ol' FDR, it is asked that the Internet declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by Cyxymu on Thursday, August 6th, 2009, a state of war has existed between the Internet and the Cyxymu Empire. Fellow Americans, THIS CAN NEVER, EVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
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