Social Distortion: Stuff Happened, Then Facebook 3.0 for iPhone Came Out

You know, this week in current events really was a doozy, wouldn't you say?  Senator Ted Kennedy passed on to the crystal Kennedy camp in the afterlife, Dominick Dunne followed in his footsteps (ALERT: Old white dudes with cancer, don't walk under any ladders this week, okay?  The odds are clearly stacked against you), dogfighting sicko Michael Vick returned to the only team that'd have him in the NFL (definitely not the Texans, thanggod), and Michael Jackson's death was elevated to homicide status. And then he was deemed a pot hoarder.  Yikes.  

Oh, and Facebook 3.0 was released for the iPhone.

Wait, what?!  STOP THE SERVERS!  Shut up!  Can you believe it?!

Yes, Facebook stalkers and stalkees with iPhones alike, Facebook's app is new! Improved! New and improved!  And they're calling it the best thing since sliced bread.  Well, that's not a direct quote.  But Joe Hewitt really does deserve a series of blowjobs for the one-man show he pulled off.  An app once rendered almost useless has now been given a shave, a haircut, a tummy tuck, and a facelift, all in one fell swoop.

Are you unconvinced that this is a life-changing development?  Fear thee not, Doubting Toms and Tanias.  Words and phrases such as "snappy," "the perfect app," and "brings you closer to a full desktop experience" have been used to describe this puppy (hey, Michael Vick, does that word tempt you?).

Facebook ceremoniously laid it all out in a blogpost (okay, okay, it was in "Facebook Notes," to keep the branding straight, sheesh) last week.  The laundry list of highlights include:


 

  • See and RSVP for your upcoming Events
  • See your friends' birthdays
  • See Pages and post updates and photos to Pages you administer
  • Write Notes and read your friends' Notes
  • Upload videos from an iPhone 3GS
  • Upload photos to any album, and create albums, delete albums, delete photos, delete photo tags
  • Change your Profile Picture
  • Zoom into photos
  • Mark posts and photos with "Like"
  • See the same News Feed as the Facebook website
  • Visit links in a built-in web browser
  • See all of your friends' friends and Pages
  • See mutual friends
  • Easily search for people and Pages
  • Make friend requests
  • Become a fan of Pages
  • Quickly call or text your friends
  • Create shortcuts to your favorite friends and Pages
  • Friends sorted by first or last name according to your settings
  • Chat friends sorted alphabetically

But why would you ever believe what you read?  Go all Web 2.0 and see it for yourself on YouTube instead.  But get a napkin for the drool first.

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