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Sorry, Mark Zuckerberg: 10 Reasons Why I'm Not Spending $40 to Buy a Facebook Share

You'll have to get your $40 somewhere else, Zuckerberg.
You'll have to get your $40 somewhere else, Zuckerberg.

Here's a scoop: Facebook is having an IPO today. This under-the-radar stock sale will make billions for investors.

Although everyone is keeping things on the down-low, the IPO means -- I'm guessing here, Wall Street is really not my forte -- that you can buy a share of Facebook stock, currently trading at about $40.

I've considered carefully the idea of doing so, and -- sorry, Mark Zuckerberg -- I must respectfully decline. The investment opportunity just doesn't feel right to me at the moment.

My ten reasons why:

10. I have discovered that even if I bought a share, I would not really have much of a say in the company. Zuckerberg will have 56 percent of the voting shares. If I can't push through a vote on banning FarmVille, what's the point?

9. Today's Houston Press Voice Daily Deal is $37 to participate in the military-style obstacle-course 5K Rebel Race on June 9. I have a couple of weeks to get in shape for it, so that's a better use of my money.

8. Apparently stock prices can go down as well as up. If I pay 40 bucks for a share today and Tuesday it's selling at $33, that's one less Minute Maid Park beer for me. Have you tried watching the Astros sober lately?

7. I don't like the new timeline thing.

6. I'm still bitter about my investment in the Prodigy IPO.

5. Truth be told, I tried to watch The Social Network, but the combination of standard Aaron Sorkin rapid-fire arch dialogue and Jesse Eisenberg got the better of me. Something about that guy bugs me.

4. I can't get to an ATM right now. I assume you're only taking cash.

3. MySpace was big once, too. Sic transit gloria and all that.

2. I prefer not to associate with a bunch of one-percenters.

1. I'm pretty sure you're blasting all my personal information all over the net, but I can't be bothered to learn the intricate process for getting you to stop that.

So what can I say? Sorry, Zuckerberg. You're on your own with this one.


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