Summer Is Coming: Browns WR Davone Bess's Arrest Tells Us Crime Season Is Nigh
I don't know that anything positive comes out of one human being shooting another human being, other than the killer (if caught) being put behind bars before he can kill several more human beings.
However, when Aaron Hernandez did the perp walk from his house to the police car last summer in the wake of his being arrested for the murder of Odin Lloyd, it did provide the brain food for me to invent the Fantasy Crime League concept.
The simple concept of eight owners each picking four NFL teams and then getting credit for crimes committed by team employees throughout the offseason has major potential. For fantasy enthusiasts and people living in cities with shitty baseball teams, the Fantasy Crime League might be what sustains us this summer.
And we were reminded yesterday that summer is indeed coming.
If Fantasy Crime League season is the main feature, then let's consider every crime committed between now and the Super Bowl to be part of the trailer. Which brings us to wide receiver Davone Bess; his act on Twitter on Thursday and subsequent arrest on Friday gave us a small tinge of the recklessness that envelopes the offseason, a trail of weed flakes rolling right up to the police blotter, like a stoner version of Hansel and Gretel.
Now, if you missed it, you won't find the tweet in question on Davone Bess's Twitter account (@davonebess) anymore. it's been taken down, which is a sure sign that his employer (the Cleveland Browns, for now) and possibly the league had an issue with it. Fortunately, once a picture is up on Twitter, it's pretty much up there somewhere forever.
First, here is the text of Bess's tweet:
We da real dons! pic.twitter.com/AdlYCuCsEK— Davone Bess (@davonebess) January 16, 2014
And here is a retweet of the picture in question, the one that in the mind of Bess epitomizes "da real don" life that he so proudly proclaims to be repping in his tweet:
A few observations on the content in this picture:
1. WEED! This appears to be the theme of the picture, that Davone Bess likes smoking weed, what with the leafy, oregano-looking pile to the right, and the cigar-that-probably-isn't-a-cigar in the middle of the picture. In fact, that is probably more of a Cierre Wood/Sam Montgomery/Willie Jefferson kind of cigar. Also, "Jah" on his phone indicates an adherence to the Rasta lifestyle, which I believe includes weed. Lots and lots of weed.
2. ALCOHOL! I'd like to assume that whatever is in that glass is also mind-altering in some shape, form or fashion. I'm pretty sure "da real dons" wouldn't be sitting around drinking tap water or birch beer.
3. COCAINE! Well, actually Cocaine Cowboys. It's on the television in the background.
4. CAFFEINE! Five Hour Energy on the table would seem to fly in the face of the goal of smoking weed, which I think is generally to relax and mellow out a little bit. What kind of meth lab is Bess running here!?!
5. SHAZAM! IPhone owners know how this works, but on the iPhone you get four apps/icons that are essentially "glued" at the bottom of the screen, always there to be tapped into when needed. Generally, people put four applications they use frequently in that spot. (For example, my four are phone, texts, email and FaceTime.) Well, one of Bess's four "must have at all times" apps is Shazam, which recognizes music being played nearby, giving artist, title and a link to buy the song. Davone Bess must have access to Shazam at all times.
Bess followed up his social media exploits with an actual arrest! (Always good to see a guy, especially a wide receiver, complete the whole sequence and make a "football move.") From CBS Miami:
Former Miami Dolphins wide receiver Davone Bess was arrested for assaulting an officer/firefighter Friday morning.
Bess, 28, was taken into custody by police at Fort Lauderdale International Airport around 6:19 a.m. Friday.
Bess, now with the Cleveland Browns, has drawn extra scrutiny in recent days after posting a picture on his Twitter account with what could be marijuana, a drink of some kind, a cigar and all with the television on the documentary the Cocaine Cowboys, according to CBSSports.com.
Indeed, summer is coming. Crime season is nigh.
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.