Swine To Watch Out For: Five Bad Movie Pigs
News about the potential swine flu outbreak has veered from grim to cautiously optimistic and back again over the last few days, with much emphasis given to the pigs themselves. Should massive reprisals against our bacon-generating friends be necessary, here's some movie material to get you in the mood.
5. Porky Pig -- Warner Bros. gag reel (unknown)
Long-simmering rage at his perpetual second banana status and humiliating speech defect finally boils over in this shocking clip. Hide your children and your more sensitive pets.
4. Mason Verger's pigs -- Hannibal (2001)
Watching Hannibal Lecter's wheelchair-bound nemesis get devoured by his own swine is actually one of the least objectionable parts of the Silence of the Lambs sequel, coming as it does after almost two hours of brain eating and Julianne Moore's labored Appalachian accent.
Houston Texans vs. Cleveland Browns
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Houston Texans vs. Arizona Cardinals
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Houston Texans vs. San Francisco 49ers
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3. Wilbur -- Charlotte's Web
It was bad enough that "some pig" refused to accept his species' spot on the food chain, but to be so whiny about it at the same time is inexcusable. Too bad Templeton didn't give him rabies. And who got Charlotte pregnant anyway?
2. Napoleon, et. al. -- Animal Farm (1954)
This CIA-funded adaptation of George Orwell's classic Bolshevik Revolution allegory is remarkable less for its "power corrupts" message (or the altered ending) than the idea that the pigs eventually morph into a bunch of Leonid Brezhnevs a full ten years before he became General Secretary.
1. Porky -- Porky's (1981)
Chuck Mitchell's acting resume is littered with characters named "Rocko," "Big Ed," and "Fat Guy," but sleazy bar owner Porky Wallace is arguably his most famous role. Yet he was almost a gentle giant in this movie, as demonstrated by his merely dunking our horny high schoolers in the swamp and not simply rolling them and leaving them there for dead.