Swine To Watch Out For: Five Bad Movie Pigs
News about the potential swine flu outbreak has veered from grim to
cautiously optimistic and back again over the last few days, with much
emphasis given to the pigs themselves. Should massive reprisals against
our bacon-generating friends be necessary, here's some movie material to
get you in the mood.
5. Porky Pig -- Warner Bros. gag reel (unknown)
Long-simmering rage at his perpetual second banana status and
humiliating speech defect finally boils over in this shocking clip. Hide
your children and your more sensitive pets.
4. Mason Verger's pigs -- Hannibal (2001)
Watching Hannibal Lecter's wheelchair-bound nemesis get devoured by his
own swine is actually one of the least objectionable parts of the
Silence of the Lambs sequel, coming as it does after almost two
hours of brain eating and Julianne Moore's labored Appalachian accent.
3. Wilbur -- Charlotte's Web
It was bad enough that "some pig" refused to accept his species' spot on
the food chain, but to be so whiny about it at the same time is
inexcusable. Too bad Templeton didn't give him rabies. And who got
Charlotte pregnant anyway?
2. Napoleon, et. al. -- Animal Farm
This CIA-funded adaptation of George Orwell's classic Bolshevik
Revolution allegory is remarkable less for its "power corrupts" message
(or the altered ending) than the idea that the pigs eventually morph
into a bunch of Leonid Brezhnevs a full ten years before he became
1. Porky -- Porky's (1981)
Chuck Mitchell's acting resume is littered with characters named
"Rocko," "Big Ed," and "Fat Guy," but sleazy bar owner Porky Wallace is
arguably his most famous role. Yet he was almost a gentle giant in this
movie, as demonstrated by his merely dunking our horny high schoolers in
the swamp and not simply rolling them and leaving them there for dead.
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