Texans QB Brock Osweiler Is Acclimating to Texas Frighteningly Well (PHOTO)
Brock Osweiler is adjusting to life as a Texan just fine, thank you.
Over the weekend, the Houston Texans rookies, along with a handful of practice squad guys from last season, got together over at NRG Stadium for their collective first day on the job. Two days, actually, for rookie minicamp.
Unless you have a super duper trained eye (like Texans sideline reporter John Harris, whose Day 1 and Day 2 recaps are on the Texans' website), these are just a bunch of drills in no pads, which ultimately are there to ensure that the rookies are properly transitioning to life as pros and are staying healthy in the process. Still, it was cool to see Will Fuller, Nick Martin, Braxton Miller and everybody else in their Texans uniforms.
The existence of rookie minicamp means, in actuality, we've seen more of all these guys in a Texans uniform to this point than we've seen of the team's new
savior starting quarterback, Brock Osweiler. That will come in the next several weeks when the entire team convenes for voluntary minicamp and OTAs. In the meantime, our only images of Osweiler thus far, as a Texan, are at various charity events around town and on social media.
Which brings us to perhaps the most amazing picture of a Texans quarterback that we've seen since "Crazy Eyes Schaub" a few years back. I present you this picture from Brock Osweiler's Instagram account over the weekend, and then I shall hypothesize as to just what in the blue hell could be happening here...
Okay, for a still shot of two people, there's a lot going on here...
1. I'm not even sure this is Brock Osweiler's house, but it has the feel of a place that is still being unpacked — random tub cooler in the background, pictures still on the floor leaned against the wall, bottles and bottles of detergent not yet placed neatly on a shelf somewhere — so it could be his place.
2. The first, knee-jerk reaction is that this is Brock trying overly hard (and yet, dadgummit, in the cutest "bless his heart" way possible!) to cozy up to his new neighbors, his 6 million new besties, us Houstonians. If that was his goal...well, again, bless his heart...BUT...
3. Notice the green, orange and blue wires strewn along the floor. Notice the stray legs and arms in the background (other people!). Above all else, notice the #heb hashtag in the caption, and adhere to the phrase "follow the money." I'm guessing this is some kind of H-E-B commercial shoot, although admittedly it's WAY more fun to think that Osweiler is getting ready to go hit Midtown for the first time in this getup and is looking in the mirror thinking, "Okay. Looks good, Let's go! YEE HAH!!!"
4. He looks so much like Woody from Toy Story, it's absurd.
5. If you really want to lose faith in humanity, go read some of the more than 500 comments this photo had as of Sunday morning, many from jilted Broncos fans. A sampling...
sheasanchez20 Whens the last time you guys won a superbowl oh yeah haha that's right. We'll do just fine with lynch or sanchez. Still go farther then (y'all) guys
ztj42 damn. Classy dude we have right here @champs_stable! You answered my question. Not relevant. You're actually supposed to compete in the playoffs. Not get blown out by the Chefs BROSKI.
connorkazanjian Fuck u
champs_stable texans are paying brent more than the pats are paying brady. Your frong office is desperate and lame. Overpaying for a backup qb who started 7 games and got benched
champs_stable Your wrs are average at best bruh. You see, your team couldny even score a pt in the playoffs. Your team needed andrew luck to be injured . Your standards are far below denver bronco standards. Paxton Lynch is the truth. Denver defense is the truth. John Elway is the truth. Texans are mediocre #100
a.n.d.r.e.w.c.l.a.w.s.o.n Douche bag
wboone18 @bosweiler17 hope you break your arm and can never play football again
matt_miller_8_ And we need to get u some loyalty
yeahbitchcallmestevo ohhh didnt know i couldn't follow an athlete on insta because he made a mistake and bad decision going to a complete garbage organization but it is all about the money and denver knows hes not worth that. Haha but ride his dick early then jump off when von miller and the rest of no fly zone haunts him. I could care less they lost osweiler still win divison without him. Houston wont go .500 with him.
trexlinden88Jk fam your not. A bad guy just made a bad choice going to Houston for real
jason_frentzel Can't blame you for taking the Money Brock.. But, Don't Blame the Denver D when they pound it in your ass this season in Denver. I'm sure you will Prepare but, so will Kubiak and Phillips..
pfuentes7 Do me a favor never pose like that again
whitephoenix48 My eyes can not unsee this.
And yes, I edited out the several dozen that called Osweiler a homophobic slur or told him to insert unspeakable things into unspeakable body cavities. Good times! In case you're wondering, you can go ahead and circle Monday, October 24, when the Texans will take on the Broncos in Denver in primetime.
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