Texas Attorney General Thinks Nuclear Annihilation of Austin Still Preferable to State Turning Blue
Still not as terrifying as Democrats.
There aren't terribly many things that can actually threaten Texas. Mexico hasn't put up much of a fight in nearly two centuries. We've sufficiently assimilated into the non-slave states from which we once broke. Global warming and environmental degradation may present some cause for concern, but, according to at least one theorist, Texas stands as the early favorite if and when dystopia shreds the Constitution.
Suffice it to say, there are few things that could sway the state from the track of job growth and population boom it's currently on, even if one includes, say, nuke-tipped missiles. But State Attorney General Greg Abbott refuses to believe that the greatest menace facing us is some baby-faced loon holed in Pyongyang, but, rather, a series of politically motivated young'uns that are seeping and sweeping through the state, aiming directly for ... us.
According to the Waco Tribune-Herald, Abbott took the stage on Monday to inform his audience that Kim Jong Un could pin as many radiation tacks onto his Texas map as he'd like -- the real threat to our state came from Battleground Texas:
One thing that requires ongoing vigilance is the reality that the state of Texas is coming under a new assault, an assault far more dangerous than what the leader of North Korea threatened when he said he was going to add Austin, Texas, as one of the recipients of his nuclear weapons. The threat that we're getting is the threat from the Obama administration and his political machine.
Hyperbole aside, I think it's worth spending a half-second parsing what Abbott said to his softball audience (he was speaking to the McLennan County Republican Club), and actually trying to find the logic nestled somewhere in that wonderful legalistic mind of his. It's not merely that there's scant chance Pyongyang would manage to back their threats -- Abbott doesn't necessarily delve into the actual thermodynamics realities of the Kim dynasty. Rather, our state's attorney general noted that the result North Korea has threatened -- that is, the nuclear annihilation of a town of nearly a million Texans -- pales in comparison to the entirely American tradition of political machinery and grassroots canvassing.
For what it's worth, it's at least something of a welcome change that Abbott recognizes a political reality when he sees one. Just as Rep. Steve Stockman (surprisingly) turned into a voice of calm clarity following the Boston bombings, Abbott is at least reading a political situation for what it is. "Republicans who are complacent are kidding themselves if they think Battleground Texas is not a threat," he went on to say. And based on everything pointing to Texas's demographic future -- majority-minority status, an influx of the young, a continued migration from the coasts -- Abbott is right to see Battleground Texas as a coalescence of what will soon be a political reality in the state.
Still, it's the biggest kind of stretch to claim that the things NoKo's threatened are somehow preferable to a more balanced approach to Texas's political status. And it's entirely possible that I'm only bringing this up because I made the mistake of listening to Rush Limbaugh the other day, who lit into Foreign Policy editor David Rothkopf's assertion that Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell presented a bigger threat to the American populace than a line of Musudan rockets. I'm sure Rush will do the right thing and castigate the most well-known conservative attorney general for using precisely the same line of logic.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.
- Texas Threatens To Sue Resettlement Groups For Helping Syrian Refugees
- Rice Owls Win the Finale and Defeat Cynicism
- Ted Cruz and the Radical Anti-Abortion Movement