Texas Fifth-Graders Wear Fake Mustaches in War on Drugs, Because It Totally Makes Sense
Messrs. Cheech and Chong "mustache" you to just say no.
This puzzling endeavor is part of "Red Ribbon Rally Thursday," which we understand was originally scheduled as "Dumbass Exercise in Futility Wednesday." The punch line is that the lip-brush means "I mustache you not to do drugs."
KVUE reports that "afterward, the students will head to a legislative session of sorts in which they'll debate and vote on bills about substance abuse." (Since probably a good three-fifths of these kids have never experienced the grave inconvenience of selling plasma in order to smoke a rock out of a broken car antenna, we don't understand how they could possibly make an educated vote. But we digress.)
The awesome thing about this whole project is that, after today, we will have waged a super-successful campaign in the war on drugs. The next stage will involve pointy chin-bears, so children can tell their inebriated peers to "goatee hell." Beard you didn't see that one comin'!
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.
- College and NFL Football: Thanksgiving Weekend's Best Bets
Sat., Nov. 28, 7:00pm
Sun., Nov. 29, 12:00pm
Mon., Nov. 30, 7:00pm
Wed., Dec. 2, 7:00pm
- The 10 Best Things About the Holidays in Houston
- Prosecutors: Paxton's Hollow Outrage at "DEFCON 1"