Texas Is Seeing Red: The Best (and Worst) Election Night Twitter Rants
— ThreePercenter (@jon_jononymous) November 5, 2014
Well, it appears that Texas is remaining awfully red. At least for the next four years or so, anyway.
With the results of last night's elections leaning quite heavily in favor of Texas Republicans, quite a few of the folks who were aiming to turn Texas blue took to Twitter to voice their frustrations.
We love a good vent -- especially on social media -- and so many of the Dems' responses were too clever to pass up. So we've compiled some of the best to help you ease those blue-blooded wounds this morning.
Houston Texans vs. Arizona Cardinals
TicketsSun., Nov. 19, 12:00pm
Rice Owls Football vs. North Texas
TicketsSat., Nov. 25, 12:00pm
Houston Texans vs. San Francisco 49ers
TicketsSun., Dec. 10, 12:00pm
Houston Texans vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
TicketsMon., Dec. 25, 3:30pm
Houston Open - Good Any One Day Grounds
TicketsSun., Apr. 1, 11:59pm
But don't worry. There's more.
While we were trolling our Twitter timelines for reactions that measured up to comedic gold, we came across some of the worst sore winner comments we've ever seen, and because we were kind of horrified, we've thrown some in for good measure. Fair is fair, right?
Here's to four more years, folks.
— Cynthia Reynolds (@CindyReynolds) November 5, 2014
And here we were, hoping for just five more minutes of sleep. We're obviously underachievers.
— Mackenzie Dunn (@MackenzieDunn) November 5, 2014
I look forward to a new generation of Texas schoolchildren learning how Jesus was friends with the dinosaurs. #TexasElections
— Austin H. (@AustinH_ATX) November 5, 2014
That book does sound exciting, though.
Greg Abbott & Dan Patrick??? How the fuck is it I even live in this state? #TexasElections
— ⚡️Olive Fetish™⚡️ (@olivefetish) November 5, 2014
We feel ya, Olive.
Tonight I drown my sorrows. Tmrw I will work on bldng a group to take down the tea baggers. I've had enough. #TexasElections
— Gina Vara (@GinaVara) November 5, 2014
Ooh! Plotting! Can we join?
— TravisYork (@Travexas) November 5, 2014
:( Wu-Tang and Wendy 4eva, right?
Anyone got a spare room up in Canada? *sideways glance at #TexasElections results*
— Assquisitor Chachi (@ChachiBobinks) November 5, 2014
But...but...you'll need a parka! Do they even sell those here?
And, of course, we have the very worst. Just maybe brace yourselves, a'ight?
— Sardine Pundit (@SardinePundit) November 5, 2014
Really, now? How would that even work?
Thank God I don't have to listen to Wendy Davis as governor of Texas w/her horrendous speech impediment #TexasElections
— Jesus Martinez (@PP_CFC1905) November 5, 2014
Not sure what this means, but sure. Maybe it's from the silver IUD in her mouth.
— Holly Piltra (@Holly_Piltra) November 5, 2014
Ugh. But we like pink tennies.
Now @WendyDavisTexas please report back to your nearest abortion clinic in your used vagina costume
— I'm Mex-Cellent (@StLNetworkGuru) November 5, 2014
Also makes no sense. Are there actual vagina costumes that exist in real life? And what, pray tell, are they used for?
Wendy Davis didn't lose her semi-good looks, so that's all that matters. #TexasElections
— A$AP Bobby (@DeerBobTX) November 5, 2014
Because when it comes to looks, well, Abbott obviously takes the pageant cake. Misogyny fail.
— Steve Brenner (@sbrenn01) November 5, 2014
— Personal SR (@StacyRippy) November 5, 2014
There is no such thing as this type of Barbie, folks. But there is a dollhouse. Not an abortion dollhouse, though.
— Jetexas (@Jetexas) November 5, 2014
And, we're pretty much done with life now.