The 4 Top Things Not to Do Before You Walk for Graduation
Afterwards, I'll show you where the unemployment line is located!
The four years (or maybe more) of being inside an institution that has probably cost you sleep and forced you to mutilate your liver with alcohol is finally coming to end. You're going to be graduating!
Everyone is going to be there! It's going to be the day that your parents won't fight back any tears as they watch their baby boy or baby girl take his or her first steps into adulthood. It would be a shame if something went wrong...
Houston Texans vs. Cleveland Browns
TicketsSun., Oct. 15, 12:00pm
TicketsSat., Oct. 21, 7:00pm
Houston Texans vs. Indianapolis Colts
TicketsSun., Nov. 5, 12:00pm
Houston Texans vs. Arizona Cardinals
TicketsSun., Nov. 19, 12:00pm
Houston Texans vs. San Francisco 49ers
TicketsSun., Dec. 10, 12:00pm
Here's a top-four list of things not to do before you walk for graduation.
4. Don't get drunk beforehand.
Yes, it's very exciting that you're about to graduate, and you want to celebrate early. But please, don't get drunk before you walk. You wouldn't want your proud mama becoming a disappointed mama if you get up onstage and embarrass yourself. Plus, it would probably be in your best interest not to get a final ass-whoopin' from her in public.
However, getting drunk afterwards is highly recommended. You deserve it.
Instead, do a moonwalk. It never gets old and you'll look totally awesome doing it.3. Don't have just your birthday suit under your cap and gown.
Growing up, I'm sure you've had that friend who felt he had the balls to show up with no clothes under his cap and gown but comes to the realization he doesn't want to actually show his balls.
Don't carry that torch. It was a horrible idea to begin with and you would want to at least appear mature in public, onstage, in front of thousands of people. What you should be doing, since it needs to be stressed, is wearing clothes under. You don't want a Marilyn Monroe incident on your hands.
2. Don't do the Gangnam Style Last summer, the entire world fell victim to Gangnam Style. Psy had everyone doing the dance, even if some people won't cop to it. I'm almost 100 percent positive that if you are to attend a graduation over the next couple of weeks, someone will do it.
Please, don't let that be you. It's old (as I said, LAST SUMMER), it's not funny, plus, you'd probably be the third or fourth person to do it onstage. By then, the crowd, and your parents, would probably feel sorry for you and not proud of the fact that you graduated summa cum laude.
What would be better is to do anything J.J. Watt-related. Everyone loves, and will continue to love, J.J. Watt.
1. Don't trip Not tripping is probably a soon-to-be college graduate's biggest fear. I've asked a few what they plan on doing once they hit the stage. Almost all said nothing, except maintaining their balance.
Tripping is definitely the worst thing you could possibly do. You would have the crowd mixed, either laughing at you or feeling sorry for you.
You'll forever be "that guy" who fell during graduation. Don't be that guy.
Just relax, pull up your gown a bit and walk confidently. You've finally made it!
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Houston, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.