Nobody wants anything to do with Ray Rice just now. Go figure, beating your significant other to the point she's knocked unconscious will tend to cause public opinion to go sour. Eventually. At least once TMZ gets hold of a tape of the beating and it is plastered all over the media and is so embarrassing that even the NFL can't ignore it anymore. In case you've been living under a rock, Rice was bounced from the Baltimore Ravens. Finally. He even lost his Nike deal. Anyways, people are turning in their Ray Rice jerseys, and demanding their money back and all that sort of thing.
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While everyone is avoiding all association with all things Rice, The Daily Show's Jon Stewart had some suggestions about some brand-protecting changes that could be made. Specifically, "Rice-a-Roni" could become "Simmered Grain-a-Roni." He also had a suggestion for a certain rather prestigious college around these parts.
To avoid all association with Rice, the football player, Rice University could become The University Where We Do Not Punch Ladies in Elevators. While it's admittedly a little ungainly as university names go, we do think it has a certain ring to it. Plus, Rice is slipping in the all-important U.S. New and World Report college rankings -- the university was ranked 19th of the 20 best colleges, horror of horrors -- so they might just be worried enough about the Great Pumpkin of college rankings to consider that name change.
Either way, if you want to check out Stewart's scathing take down of the NFL -- and you totally do because it's a thoroughly satisfying thing to watch -- the full video is below.