The Fines The Texans Should Be Handing Out
According to the Houston Chronicle, Texans defensive back Dunta Robinson was fined by the team for wearing shoes that had the words "Pay Me Rick" written on them. This was part of Robinson voicing his continued displeasure at the Texans for not paying him what he thinks he is worth. The fine, according to the Chron, is for "conduct detrimental to the team."
Now if the Texans are fining people for conduct detrimental to the team, then the team should have made a lot of cash after that debacle against the Jets. For instance, here at Hair Balls, we learned (i.e., we made it up) that the following fines were leveled against various parties for "conduct detrimental to the team."
1. Gary Kubiak: For impersonating a head coach.
2. The Reliant Stadium groundskeepers: For causing Matt Schaub to injure an ankle by painting white lines on the field for him to step on.
University of Houston Cougars Football vs. UConn Huskies College Football
TicketsThu., Sep. 29, 11:00am
Battle of the Piney Woods: SFA vs. SHSU
TicketsSat., Oct. 1, 3:00pm
University of Houston Cougars Football vs. Tulsa Golden Hurricane Football
TicketsSat., Oct. 15, 11:00am
Rice University Owls Football vs. UTSA Roadrunners Football
TicketsSat., Oct. 15, 6:00pm
3. Kyle Shanahan: For failing to devise a coherent offensive game plan as part of his offensive coordinator duties. However, his play-calling was offensive, so the fine is reduced on that account.
4. Bob McNair: For hiring an Aggie to do a job (head coach) that clearly required a person who was actually competent.
5. The Offensive Line: The offensive line was going to be fined for impersonating an offensive line until it was discovered that the Texans don't have an offensive line to fine.
6. Frank Bush: For acting like Richard Smith.
7. Andre Johnson: For not acting like a diva and demanding that Matt Schaub and Kyle Shanahan figure out someway to get the ball to him. He is, after all, the best player on the team, so he really needs to step up and demand to be treated like the weapon that he is.
8. CBS: For making this the network's number-one afternoon game. You can't do a more detrimental thing to the Houston Texans than by making this game available for the entire public to watch.
9. Mark Sanchez: For not playing like a rookie quarterback making his first regular season start.
10. Rex Ryan: For not sending his dad Buddy Ryan over to the Texans sideline to slug the offensive coordinator for his inept offense.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.