The First Pool Dunk Zapruder Analysis Tells Us, "Summer Is Here!"
Pool dunk season 2014.
While the official start of summer according to things like the earth's rotation, the solstice and the gods is June 21, the symbolic start to the summer, in most places, is Memorial Day weekend.
Except in Houston, where summer officially starts when the temperature reaches 90 for the first time of the year (which is usually sometime during the rodeo in early March).
However, with Mother Nature taking it easy on us this year by deploying a perpetual wave of cooler weather (not to mention the biblical deluge over the weekend), we actually need a reminder that summer is nigh.
And what better reminder than the first suburban swimming pool dunk of 2014!
Houston Texans vs. Cleveland Browns
TicketsSun., Oct. 15, 12:00pm
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Houston Texans vs. Indianapolis Colts
TicketsSun., Nov. 5, 12:00pm
Houston Texans vs. Arizona Cardinals
TicketsSun., Nov. 19, 12:00pm
Houston Texans vs. San Francisco 49ers
TicketsSun., Dec. 10, 12:00pm
This genre of athletic feat became an ongoing meme last summer, a confluence of pubescent angst, social media and the latent need for white kids to somehow, some way be able to dunk a basketball into something, even if no vertical leap is required. The winners in all of this? Those of us needing content for our jobs, and you the consumers of said content.
So with that, we go to Anytown, USA, and these eight young lads who get the summer of 2014 started with a wet bang!
(Sidebar: It took me six tries to count that there were eight kids in this dunk, a true sign of meticulous planning. Also, by the way, just once we need a "making of" video for these dunks where we see the planning session and a few of the aborted attempts. Let's go "next level," suburbanites!)
Here we go, with Zapruder analysis to follow...
0:01 -- Right out of the gate we see something new, a trigger event involving a blunt-force apparatus, with Dude #1 teeing up the ball and knocking it golf-swing-style across the pool to the next step in the sequence. Outstanding creativity and a great way to kick off Season Two of Pool Dunks, like when they introduced Prince Oberyn this season on Game of Thrones and it got things going with some pep.
0:02 -- By the way, how many times did the golf-swing kid get yelled at for hitting the ball fat or knocking it into the weeds accidentally? Takes balls to be the trigger guy.
0:03 -- Second step is a kid standing on the end of the slide. I don't know, man; that slide doesn't look all that sturdy, but whatever. It's your life, kid.
0:04 -- Third step is a toss from slide-standing kid to a kid standing on the side of the pool who goes with the soccer-style header. Three moves in, and we've already repped golf and soccer. This is like a decathlon! Also, with that header, pool dunking is officially on the list of sports where you can get concussed. Welcome to the party, pool dunking!
0:05 -- They mix in a couple of the less coordinated kids who can only catch the ball and flip it to someone else as their special skill ("grunt workers") before getting back to a bounce off the brick wall of the house.
0:08 -- Bounce off of the wall into the waiting hands of a kid who continues the chain while performing a front somersault. Gymnastics, represent yo!!
0:11 -- Now comes the flip to the kid coming down the slide, which is underrated in its timing aspects because gravity seems to travel a little slower when you add in the friction of bathing suit on fiberglass. But we know that the end is coming soon (what with every kid but one already in the pool, we are just out of kids).
0:12 -- ...and...
0:13 -- ...BOOM!!!!
0:15 -- Lots of cackling, screaming and awkward high fives! Indeed, summer is here!