When the Texans were putting it to the Bengals on Saturday, the streams of twittering Houstonians were likely filled with posts about the game. Like people who tweet during any live event, there were insightful moments, irritating moments and downright stupid moments. Reading Twitter was like going through a gauntlet, like Arian Foster slicing through the Cincinnati defensive line only a lot less pretty.
Unfortunately, following Twitter during a sporting event is a lot like listening to sports talk radio. One second, I'm nodding my head in agreement and the next, I'm ripping out my car stereo and heaving it into the bayou. It's expensive but effective. I've identified the five most annoying types of tweeters who post during sporting events and here we go.
5. The Over-Analyzer I'm not talking about guys who really know their stuff. I mean people who think they really know their stuff. Whenever I see a guy tweet multiple times about the complexities of pass protection against blitzing defenses when the defense hasn't run a blitz in the entire quarter, my finger edges dangerously close to the un-follow button.
4. The Over-Reactor I'll admit that there have been one or two times in my life I've been guilty of this one and if I had seen myself, I'd have un-followed me instantly, though that might cause a rip in the space-time continuum. Relax, Sparky, and let the game play out. You can scream "FIRE KUBIAK" all night long once the outcome of the game has been decided.
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SHOW ME HOW
3. The Reporter Look, I don't need you, Average Joe, to give me stats and highlights on every damn play. I follow, you know, actual sports guys for that kind of information. But thanks for letting me know that the free throw by LeBron James gives him 27 points when you just tweeted he had 26 ten seconds ago. 2. The Bad Sport Your team lost. It sucks, I know. We've all been there. But, don't take to Twitter and cry about the team that just beat you. Have some grace, man, some dignity! And while we're at it, try being magnanimous when you win. There's nothing worse than a fan prancing around the Internet telling the losing team's fans to suck it...unless the losing team was the Cowboys.
1. The Sports Hater I think we all get that there are more important things in this world than football -- well, most of us, anyway. But, you don't see me bitching when you tweet all night about every step in the preparation of your perfect dinner or Dancing with the Stars or the 76th televised Republican debate. Twitter is the purest form of democracy. Everyone gets a say and if you don't like it, you don't have to look. But when you know that a game is on and you still decide to tell us all that the game we love is stupid and you just don't get it, you don't sound elevated or cool. You just sound bitter. It's why God invented un-follow.